So, there's good news and bad news. Which do you want to know first?
Let me start with the bad news, okay? I don't want you to finish reading this post and go away feeling as depressed as I do. And why, you're no doubt asking, am I so unhappy? Is this not the same guy who was bouncing off the walls with excitement less than a week ago? Yeah, that's me, and the reason for my mood is pretty straightforward, really. In the words of the immortal Hank Williams, I'm so lonesome I could cry.
Honestly, I had no idea it was possible to go from being so unbelievably happy to being utterly and totally wrecked in such a short time. You'll probably say I'm overreacting when I tell you why, but cut me some slack, okay? This is all new territory for me, and I'm pretty sure I don't like the landscape.
Sini is travelling and I'm the one left at home.
More specifically, she's gone to some fabulous spa, south of the border, for a makeover. It was a spur of the moment decision, evidently, because she informed me on Wednesday that she planned to leave on Friday morning. She said the reason she's going is that she wants to be beautiful for our wedding. Now, I'm not against that sort of thing - in fact, I've received quite a few compliments since I got back from my own trip down south - and It's not that I don't think Sini deserves to relax and be pampered. It's just that I already think she's beautiful. She doesn't need to do anything special for me to think that.
Maybe I'm a little envious of the fact that she's off having an adventure while I'm still here, but that's only a small part of it. I feel lost without her. When I think about how much I miss her, I get this kind of dull pain in my chest and I feel like nothing's going to be right in my world until she's back. I hate to imagine this is what she goes through every time I fly off to some new place. Seriously, this whole situation is enough to make me reconsider my wandering ways.
Only half my problem is how lonely I am without my partner. I'm also really worried about her. Sini doesn't get out and about very much, but when she does, she attracts quite a bit of attention and not all of it is positive. The idea of her travelling so far away on her own makes me insanely anxious. My mind keeps coming up with all kinds of worst-case scenarios, every one of them horrible and scary.
Sapphire keeps telling me not to worry. She says Sini will be fine. The lady she's going to see is a great person and will take excellent care of her while she's there. What Sapphire fails to understand is that I'm not worried about what might happen to Sini while she's at her destination. It's what might happen to her on the way there and back that terrifies me. I mean, it's a big, crazy unfamiliar world with a whole bunch of potential dangers for someone who isn't used to going places alone. I think my concern is justified. I want my fiancée home safe.
Michael finds my anxiety amusing, of course, and didn't miss the opportunity to tease me about it. His comment was, "She travelled like a million kilometers to get here in the first place, and you're worried about her going a few thousand?"
That, dear brother, is not the point. I'd be worried about her making a journey of only ten kilometers, if she was doing it all by herself. Anyway, Michael doesn't have room to talk. I'd like to see how he'd manage if Rommie decided to take a trip without him. He wouldn't be laughing if it was his wife - his pregnant wife, I might add - who up and decided to make an international voyage on short notice. I'm pretty certain he'd be freaking out worse than I am.
And with that, I think I've just made a segue into the good news.
It's definitely official. Rommie and Michael are expecting their third child. They told everyone about it yesterday at breakfast. I'd more or less figured it out for myself quite a while ago, so the big announcement wasn't news to me, but I did my best to act like it was.
I don't think it came as much of a shock to Xander, either. In his matter-of-fact way, he said, "I was wondering when you'd get around to saying something."
"What do you mean?" Rommie said, as if she had no clue as to what he was talking about.
"Well, it's not as if you can keep this sort of thing a secret," he said. "After a certain point it was obvious, and like, the baggy sweaters were a dead giveaway. You're not exactly streamlined any more, if you know what I mean."
Not even a sibling can get away with saying something like that.
The new arrival is expected to come sometime in the fall. Rommie said she's hoping for a girl, and that she wants to name her Sarah. I kind of raised my eyebrows at that. I don't think I did much to increase my level on the popularity-o-meter when I said, "Sarah Brightman? Like the classical soprano? She was the one who sang as Christine Daaë in the original London cast of Phantom of the Opera."
Make room in the dog house, Xander. It looks like I'll be spending some time there, too.
As a result of me pointing out that Sarah Brightman is the name of someone famous, everybody wanted to contribute to a list of 'better' names for the baby. Even Cassie and Pax got in on it. Cassie suggested Natsuko which, I suspect, is the name of a character in some kind of anime. That one didn't go over very well with the parents-to-be.
Some of Pax's ideas were really funny and, needless to say, they didn't make it onto the short list, either. The best one of his silly suggestions was Banana. Pax's rationale for that one was that bananas are sweet and brightly coloured, and they make him happy. He obviously put some thought into it, but he hasn't quite grasped the nuances of human naming yet. I think 'Banana Brightman' might attract more than a few strange looks around the neighbourhood.
Undaunted by everyone's laughter, Pax offered one more name. "Maybe Rommie and Michael call her Suvi," he said.
"Suvi," Rommie echoed. "That's nice. Is it a word from your language, Pax?"
"Yes," Pax said. "Suvi is light from the sun."
"Sunshine?" I said.
"Sunshine," he repeated. "Suvi is sunshine."
"I like that," Rommie said. "What do you think, Michael?"
"It's better than Banana, I guess," Michael said, and I got the distinct impression that he thought it was only marginally better.
Pax was sitting beside me and he reached for my hand. His fingers were trembling, so I gave his hand a reassuring little squeeze. I asked him, "What's wrong, buddy?"
It took him a while to answer. At last, he said quietly, "My mother name Suvi."
Pax has never told me about his mother before. He talks about Piri, his father, sometimes and he's mentioned his 'other father' Jex on a few occasions, but yesterday morning at the breakfast table was the first time I'd ever heard him speak about his mother. He must miss her, and I'm sure it's hard for him to deal with the fact that he'll most likely never see her again. I can't even begin to guess what it'd be like for a child to be permanently separated from his parents, particularly not for someone like Pax, who is an only child with three parents. It must have been devastating for him in the beginning, when he realized his situation.
"I think Suvi is a beautiful name," I said.
"Suvi beautiful," Pax said. "She beautiful inside. Piri say Suvi make everyone happy because everyone feel her being happy. I feel..." He paused for a second and drew in a shaky breath before trying again. "I felt her love me and Piri and Jex. She love everyone."
This was the longest speech I'd ever heard Pax make in English. It wasn't lost on me that the subject of it was his mother, nor did I miss the significance of the fact that he'd managed to use the past tense of a verb for the first time.
Across the table from us, Rommie had begun to cry. I could hear her sniffling. She said, "That's really sweet, Pax. We'll consider that name."
Judging by the sound of exasperation Michael made at that point, though, I doubt he'll be doing much considering. Michael doesn't seem overly thrilled by the prospect of becoming a dad for the third time. I understand it's going to be hard for him and Rommie to afford to look after a third child on just his salary, but I don't think money is the only thing on his mind. I think this baby was unplanned, and I'm not sure if Michael even wants another kid.
Michael is a responsible dad and I know he loves Jack and Cleo, but he isn't the world's most involved parent. That is something I don't understand. Personally, I love spending time with my daughter and taking care of her. Sini and I share as equally as we can in the responsibility of caring for Skyla, and neither of us would want it any other way. Michael, on the other hand, seems perfectly happy to leave most of the child care duties to Rommie. When he has to watch Cleo and Jack, he calls it baby sitting.
I feel uncomfortable when I hear him say that, because it makes him seem really detached from his kids. Baby sitters come and go, but parents should always be connected. When I held Skyla in my arms for the first time, I felt this amazing, instantaneous bond with her that I'd never experienced with anyone else in my life. At that moment, I knew I'd do everything I could to help her grow up happy and safe. I never want to be a mere observer in Skyla's life. I want to be there for her, to love and protect her and share in all her experiences.
I wonder if Michael feels that way about Jack and Cleo, or if he'll feel that way about the new baby. He doesn't talk about his feelings, so I'll probably never find out the answers to those questions, but still, I'm curious. To me, it's ironic that a guy who doesn't show much interest in his kids is going to have three of them while I, a guy who'd happily raise a whole house full of children, only have one.
I know I've said before that the idea of having more children scares me, and that's true, but it's not the child-rearing part that overwhelms me. I'm frightened by the actual having a baby part of it. Sini was so ill and miserable when she was carrying Skyla that some days I wondered if she'd survive it. She's talked about us trying to have another baby but, even if that's possible, I don't think I'd want to see her suffer through a second pregnancy. I can be perfectly happy with the one beautiful child we already have.
And speaking of my child, I hear Skyla calling for me, so I'm going to end this post here. I'll catch you guys later!
Sunday, 23 June 2013
Tuesday, 18 June 2013
An Uncommon Proposal
If I painted it in broad strokes, this narrative would be common enough. It'd be the classic love story. Boy meets girl. They fall in love. Boy asks girl to marry him. She says yes. Told that way, it's the blissfully ordinary tale of an average boy and girl who plan to get married and hope to live happily ever after.
But, of course you know, I'm not talking about the average boy and girl.
The boy in this story is a blind kid from the country who lives for music and wants to be a lawyer when he grows up. And the girl? She's one of a kind.
If you haven't guessed by now, this is all about Sini and me. On Sunday, I asked her if she would marry me, and she said yes.
SHE SAID YES!!!
I apologize for the all-caps text, but I really do feel like I want to shout this for all the world to hear. It's possible that I've never been more excited about anything in my entire life. I thought I understood what the phrase on cloud nine meant but, prior to this point, my knowledge was purely academic. Now, I get it completely. I'm so happy I might as well be floating.
For some reason, Sini is amused by my current mental state. She informed me yesterday that I'm 'emoting like a child' which, I assume, isn't necessarily a compliment. She also said it was adorable, so in spite of the fact that she'd more or less called me childish, it was pretty hard for me to feel insulted.
My sustained good humour isn't just affecting Sini and me, either. Almost everyone in the house has remarked on it in in some way or other. The best comment, though, actually came from Pax. I may have mentioned before that Sini thinks Pax is an exceptionally gifted empath. So far, I'm the only human whose emotions Sini has been able to sense, and it only works if she's near me and I'm feeling something very strongly. Pax, on the other hand, seems to be able to sense strong emotions in all of us. Anyway, yesterday afternoon I heard him singing to himself while he was playing in the living room, and I asked him what was up.
"I feel Tyler being happy, I happy too," he said, and then added philosophically, "Happy is like candy for my brain."
You know what? Being this happy is like candy for my brain, too. In fact, I think my brain is on a metaphorical sugar high at the moment.
But, enough about how overjoyed I am. I imagine you're getting the picture by now, and you're probably wondering just how I achieved this state of bliss. Let me start at the beginning, okay? I said this was an uncommon proposal. Telling you how we got to the 'proposal' part is going to take a bit of explanation.
Sini and I started talking about marriage last year, at least in general terms. Over the course of our relationship we've discovered a lot of drastic cultural differences between Earth and Eris. Each of us wanted to figure out what it means to be married on our respective worlds. The first time we ever discussed it was back in November of last year, the weekend of Michael and Rommie's wedding. Sini asked me what they were doing, and I tried my best to explain it to her.
"A wedding is a kind of ceremony," I said. "When two people love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together, they get married. They promise to share their thoughts and feelings, and they promise to take care of each other no matter what."
"That is good," she said, and I could tell by her voice that she was pleased. "It is that way on my world, too. We are married."
"No, you and I aren't married."
"But, I love you," she said, in a way that never fails to melt my heart. "I take care of you and I feel your feelings. I know you cannot share my feelings the way I share yours, but you love me and take care of me. You said this is what 'married' means."
"Yes, I do love you very much. I take care of you and I try to share your feelings the best way I can, but we're not married. You've got to have a wedding to be married."
"Why?"
"Well, you just do. That's how it is."
"But why?" she persisted. "I do not understand. You are the other half of my soul. Am I not the other half of yours?"
That's when it occurred to me that the Erisan word which translates as the other half of my soul might not be just a term of endearment like 'darling' or 'sweetheart'. Maybe, I thought, it has a deeper connotation. After all, I was just as clueless about the marriage customs of Sini's people as she was about ours.
"Sini, what does that mean?" I said. "On your world, when you say somebody is the other half of your soul, what are you really saying?"
"You are the person who completes me," she said. "You are the part I was missing, the one who brings comfort when I hurt, calm when I am afraid, and reason when I do not know what to do. You understand me like no other person understands, and you accept me as I am."
"All that."
"All that," she said. "Am I the one who means all that to you as well?"
"Yes," I said. "You know you are. You really are the person who completes me."
"We are everything to each other. Is that not what 'married' means?"
"Well...yes," I had to concede.
"Then, you are my wife."
Despite the seriousness of our conversation, I laughed at that. "Your husband, Sini. When a man and a woman get married, she's the wife and he's the husband."
"You are my husband," she said.
"Not here," I said. "We'd still need to have a wedding before I could be your husband."
"And this is important to you?"
"Having a wedding?"
"Being my husband."
"Yes. Being your husband would mean a lot to me," I said.
"Then, we should have a wedding."
"I think you need to understand it a little better, first."
"Help me understand it," she said. "Why do humans have weddings?"
"We do it because we want to make things official, so everyone knows the people getting married belong to each other and no one else," I said. "I guess weddings are a way for people to celebrate their love. You know, announce to the world that they're totally committed to each other."
"We already celebrate our love, and we have Skyla. She is proof enough for everyone that we celebrate our love, I think."
"Uh...that's not the kind of celebrating that happens at a wedding," I said.
"Oh."
"Yeah, that happens in private, after the wedding."
"But, we have never had a wedding, and we--"
"I know," I said. "Obviously, you can do that without a wedding. It's just that you're not married until you have a wedding."
"This custom of weddings is very confusing. Maybe you are right. Maybe we should not have one until I understand."
"I guess I'm not doing a very good job of explaining it," I said. "Maybe you should ask Rommie about it."
I don't know if Sini ever talked about it with Rommie, but I know she asked Sapphire a bunch of questions. Her chat with Sapphire only left her more confused than ever and, as a result, she told me that she couldn't get married because she was afraid of tax implications.
Never ask a lawyer to do a normal human's job. Seriously.
I'm not sure what Sini thought 'tax implications' were, but she seemed to have gotten the impression that they were horribly life-altering. She didn't want to talk about it with me at first, and she actually cried because she was so scared. It was obvious she hadn't really understood what Sapphire had been talking about, and it took the better part of an hour for me to undo the damage done by Sapphire's discourse on the tax implications of marriage. Just explaining to Sini what Canadian taxes are all about and why we have to pay them was a challenge in itself.
We didn't discuss marriage again for a long time after that conversation, which is hardly surprising when I think back on it. Just recently, though, the subject of marriage came up again when Xander said something about wanting to marry his boyfriend Remi some day. Incredibly, it was Xander who finally seems to have helped Sini grasp the purpose of a wedding.
"A wedding isn't about telling the world you're in love. I mean, you wouldn't be having a wedding if you weren't, right? What it's really about," he said, "is letting everyone know this person is the most important part of your life and you promise to do everything in your power to make sure that never changes. You don't actually make the promise at the wedding, though. Like, you shouldn't even have a wedding if you haven't already promised that. The wedding is just where you make it public, so everybody knows how totally serious you are about it."
It's astounding to think that Sini's enlightenment about weddings came from Xander, an eighteen year old kid who hasn't even seen his boyfriend in the flesh. It seems as though Xander has given the subject a lot of thought. I guess maybe he's deeper than I've ever given him credit for.
Anyway, that particular conversation happened around the end of May. Sini must've been doing a lot of thinking about it in the intervening time between then and now, because just a few days ago, she told me that she thought she finally understood human weddings. She said Xander helped her realize there's a very important distinction between a wedding and a marriage. It isn't the wedding itself that's really important, she said. The wedding is just a symbol. The marriage is the important part; all the things that the couple does together after the wedding.
"I think I am ready to have a wedding," she said. "I want you to marry me."
I couldn't help laughing at the forthrightness of that. I said, "Sini, are you proposing to me?"
"Proposing?"
"When one person asks another person to marry them, we call it 'proposing' marriage."
"Do you have rules about who can propose?"
"No. Anyone can propose, but in a male and female couple, it's usually the guy who proposes to the woman."
She pondered that for a moment, and then she said, "Maybe you should propose to me. I want us to do this the Earth way."
"Okay," I said. "I'll propose to you, but if you want to do it in the way that's traditional for this part of Earth, then I'll have to give you an engagement present, too. It might take a little while to pick out the right thing. Is that okay?"
"A present?"
"It's usually a ring," I told her.
"But I do not like rings. They make my fingers feel too heavy."
"I know you don't like them, but it doesn't have to be a ring. Give me a couple of days and let me surprise you, okay?"
"I like surprises," she said, and she sounded just like a little kid on the night before Christmas.
The next day, I enlisted Beau and Dylan to help me pick out something nice. It probably would've been logical for me to ask Michael for help, seeing as he's the only one around here who has any experience with engagement gifts, but I was convinced that Dylan and Beau would do a better job of advising me than Michael would. My brother isn't the sentimental type. Dylan, on the other hand, is a hopeless romantic. Beau's partner, Georgia Lee, is as incurably girly as Sini, so I figured he'd have some insight into an appropriate gift.
I couldn't afford anything at the first two jewelry stores we visited. To be honest, I don't think I would've bought anything at either of those places even if I could've afforded it. The staff at both places were rude and condescending, and it was fairly clear that three young guys in jeans had no place in their high-class establishments, even if one of these aforesaid guys happened to be searching for a present for his bride-to-be.
The third place we tried was where my luck started to run the other way. The woman working there was friendly and super helpful. She asked all kinds of questions about Sini and me and, because she knew I couldn't see them, she described all the necklaces and bracelets that Beau and Dylan thought Sini might like. She even let me touch them, which was something that probably would've made the people in the other stores keel over with shock and horror. Fingerprints on the merchandise? No!
in the end, I chose a necklace with a faceted pink crystal in the shape of a heart. I like it because it's interesting to touch.
When we got home, Sini met us at the door. She knew we'd been out shopping. She practically smothered me with kisses and informed me that she knew I'd found a wonderful present for her because she could feel how excited I was. The guys apparently couldn't resist making fun of me, saying stuff like, "You know you're doomed when you're willing to marry a woman who can actually read your mind."
Sini wanted to see her present right away, but I told her she had to wait. I said that if we were going to do this the traditional way, the two of us had to be alone in a nice, quiet setting. It had to be meaningful. She agreed that would be best.
So, on Sunday afternoon in the garden, I asked my soulmate if she'd marry me. I got down on my knees and everything.
This is probably going to sound odd but, even though I was absolutely certain what her answer would be, I was still nervous. I felt like I couldn't breathe in the seconds between the end of my question and the beginning of her answer. Then, when she said yes, it was like there was this big explosion of excitement inside my body. It was the most amazing thing.
Sini asked me if I'd put the necklace on her, and I did it happily.
"Did I do good?"
"Well," she corrected, and then laughed. "Yes, you did very well. It is beautiful."
"I'm glad you think so."
"I think it is a perfect symbol for us. A heart, for our love," she said, and then added softly, "And pink, like sunrise."
That was the moment at which I knew what people mean when they say their hearts are full. It was as if I was overflowing with joy. I know life isn't like a fairy tale - nothing is ever truly perfect - but right then and there I let myself forget that, just for a little while. I wanted this chapter in The Story of Sini and Tyler to conclude "...and they lived happily ever after."
But, of course you know, I'm not talking about the average boy and girl.
The boy in this story is a blind kid from the country who lives for music and wants to be a lawyer when he grows up. And the girl? She's one of a kind.
If you haven't guessed by now, this is all about Sini and me. On Sunday, I asked her if she would marry me, and she said yes.
SHE SAID YES!!!
I apologize for the all-caps text, but I really do feel like I want to shout this for all the world to hear. It's possible that I've never been more excited about anything in my entire life. I thought I understood what the phrase on cloud nine meant but, prior to this point, my knowledge was purely academic. Now, I get it completely. I'm so happy I might as well be floating.
For some reason, Sini is amused by my current mental state. She informed me yesterday that I'm 'emoting like a child' which, I assume, isn't necessarily a compliment. She also said it was adorable, so in spite of the fact that she'd more or less called me childish, it was pretty hard for me to feel insulted.
My sustained good humour isn't just affecting Sini and me, either. Almost everyone in the house has remarked on it in in some way or other. The best comment, though, actually came from Pax. I may have mentioned before that Sini thinks Pax is an exceptionally gifted empath. So far, I'm the only human whose emotions Sini has been able to sense, and it only works if she's near me and I'm feeling something very strongly. Pax, on the other hand, seems to be able to sense strong emotions in all of us. Anyway, yesterday afternoon I heard him singing to himself while he was playing in the living room, and I asked him what was up.
"I feel Tyler being happy, I happy too," he said, and then added philosophically, "Happy is like candy for my brain."
You know what? Being this happy is like candy for my brain, too. In fact, I think my brain is on a metaphorical sugar high at the moment.
But, enough about how overjoyed I am. I imagine you're getting the picture by now, and you're probably wondering just how I achieved this state of bliss. Let me start at the beginning, okay? I said this was an uncommon proposal. Telling you how we got to the 'proposal' part is going to take a bit of explanation.
Sini and I started talking about marriage last year, at least in general terms. Over the course of our relationship we've discovered a lot of drastic cultural differences between Earth and Eris. Each of us wanted to figure out what it means to be married on our respective worlds. The first time we ever discussed it was back in November of last year, the weekend of Michael and Rommie's wedding. Sini asked me what they were doing, and I tried my best to explain it to her.
"A wedding is a kind of ceremony," I said. "When two people love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together, they get married. They promise to share their thoughts and feelings, and they promise to take care of each other no matter what."
"That is good," she said, and I could tell by her voice that she was pleased. "It is that way on my world, too. We are married."
"No, you and I aren't married."
"But, I love you," she said, in a way that never fails to melt my heart. "I take care of you and I feel your feelings. I know you cannot share my feelings the way I share yours, but you love me and take care of me. You said this is what 'married' means."
"Yes, I do love you very much. I take care of you and I try to share your feelings the best way I can, but we're not married. You've got to have a wedding to be married."
"Why?"
"Well, you just do. That's how it is."
"But why?" she persisted. "I do not understand. You are the other half of my soul. Am I not the other half of yours?"
That's when it occurred to me that the Erisan word which translates as the other half of my soul might not be just a term of endearment like 'darling' or 'sweetheart'. Maybe, I thought, it has a deeper connotation. After all, I was just as clueless about the marriage customs of Sini's people as she was about ours.
"Sini, what does that mean?" I said. "On your world, when you say somebody is the other half of your soul, what are you really saying?"
"You are the person who completes me," she said. "You are the part I was missing, the one who brings comfort when I hurt, calm when I am afraid, and reason when I do not know what to do. You understand me like no other person understands, and you accept me as I am."
"All that."
"All that," she said. "Am I the one who means all that to you as well?"
"Yes," I said. "You know you are. You really are the person who completes me."
"We are everything to each other. Is that not what 'married' means?"
"Well...yes," I had to concede.
"Then, you are my wife."
Despite the seriousness of our conversation, I laughed at that. "Your husband, Sini. When a man and a woman get married, she's the wife and he's the husband."
"You are my husband," she said.
"Not here," I said. "We'd still need to have a wedding before I could be your husband."
"And this is important to you?"
"Having a wedding?"
"Being my husband."
"Yes. Being your husband would mean a lot to me," I said.
"Then, we should have a wedding."
"I think you need to understand it a little better, first."
"Help me understand it," she said. "Why do humans have weddings?"
"We do it because we want to make things official, so everyone knows the people getting married belong to each other and no one else," I said. "I guess weddings are a way for people to celebrate their love. You know, announce to the world that they're totally committed to each other."
"We already celebrate our love, and we have Skyla. She is proof enough for everyone that we celebrate our love, I think."
"Uh...that's not the kind of celebrating that happens at a wedding," I said.
"Oh."
"Yeah, that happens in private, after the wedding."
"But, we have never had a wedding, and we--"
"I know," I said. "Obviously, you can do that without a wedding. It's just that you're not married until you have a wedding."
"This custom of weddings is very confusing. Maybe you are right. Maybe we should not have one until I understand."
"I guess I'm not doing a very good job of explaining it," I said. "Maybe you should ask Rommie about it."
I don't know if Sini ever talked about it with Rommie, but I know she asked Sapphire a bunch of questions. Her chat with Sapphire only left her more confused than ever and, as a result, she told me that she couldn't get married because she was afraid of tax implications.
Never ask a lawyer to do a normal human's job. Seriously.
I'm not sure what Sini thought 'tax implications' were, but she seemed to have gotten the impression that they were horribly life-altering. She didn't want to talk about it with me at first, and she actually cried because she was so scared. It was obvious she hadn't really understood what Sapphire had been talking about, and it took the better part of an hour for me to undo the damage done by Sapphire's discourse on the tax implications of marriage. Just explaining to Sini what Canadian taxes are all about and why we have to pay them was a challenge in itself.
We didn't discuss marriage again for a long time after that conversation, which is hardly surprising when I think back on it. Just recently, though, the subject of marriage came up again when Xander said something about wanting to marry his boyfriend Remi some day. Incredibly, it was Xander who finally seems to have helped Sini grasp the purpose of a wedding.
"A wedding isn't about telling the world you're in love. I mean, you wouldn't be having a wedding if you weren't, right? What it's really about," he said, "is letting everyone know this person is the most important part of your life and you promise to do everything in your power to make sure that never changes. You don't actually make the promise at the wedding, though. Like, you shouldn't even have a wedding if you haven't already promised that. The wedding is just where you make it public, so everybody knows how totally serious you are about it."
It's astounding to think that Sini's enlightenment about weddings came from Xander, an eighteen year old kid who hasn't even seen his boyfriend in the flesh. It seems as though Xander has given the subject a lot of thought. I guess maybe he's deeper than I've ever given him credit for.
Anyway, that particular conversation happened around the end of May. Sini must've been doing a lot of thinking about it in the intervening time between then and now, because just a few days ago, she told me that she thought she finally understood human weddings. She said Xander helped her realize there's a very important distinction between a wedding and a marriage. It isn't the wedding itself that's really important, she said. The wedding is just a symbol. The marriage is the important part; all the things that the couple does together after the wedding.
"I think I am ready to have a wedding," she said. "I want you to marry me."
I couldn't help laughing at the forthrightness of that. I said, "Sini, are you proposing to me?"
"Proposing?"
"When one person asks another person to marry them, we call it 'proposing' marriage."
"Do you have rules about who can propose?"
"No. Anyone can propose, but in a male and female couple, it's usually the guy who proposes to the woman."
She pondered that for a moment, and then she said, "Maybe you should propose to me. I want us to do this the Earth way."
"Okay," I said. "I'll propose to you, but if you want to do it in the way that's traditional for this part of Earth, then I'll have to give you an engagement present, too. It might take a little while to pick out the right thing. Is that okay?"
"A present?"
"It's usually a ring," I told her.
"But I do not like rings. They make my fingers feel too heavy."
"I know you don't like them, but it doesn't have to be a ring. Give me a couple of days and let me surprise you, okay?"
"I like surprises," she said, and she sounded just like a little kid on the night before Christmas.
The next day, I enlisted Beau and Dylan to help me pick out something nice. It probably would've been logical for me to ask Michael for help, seeing as he's the only one around here who has any experience with engagement gifts, but I was convinced that Dylan and Beau would do a better job of advising me than Michael would. My brother isn't the sentimental type. Dylan, on the other hand, is a hopeless romantic. Beau's partner, Georgia Lee, is as incurably girly as Sini, so I figured he'd have some insight into an appropriate gift.
I couldn't afford anything at the first two jewelry stores we visited. To be honest, I don't think I would've bought anything at either of those places even if I could've afforded it. The staff at both places were rude and condescending, and it was fairly clear that three young guys in jeans had no place in their high-class establishments, even if one of these aforesaid guys happened to be searching for a present for his bride-to-be.
The third place we tried was where my luck started to run the other way. The woman working there was friendly and super helpful. She asked all kinds of questions about Sini and me and, because she knew I couldn't see them, she described all the necklaces and bracelets that Beau and Dylan thought Sini might like. She even let me touch them, which was something that probably would've made the people in the other stores keel over with shock and horror. Fingerprints on the merchandise? No!
in the end, I chose a necklace with a faceted pink crystal in the shape of a heart. I like it because it's interesting to touch.
When we got home, Sini met us at the door. She knew we'd been out shopping. She practically smothered me with kisses and informed me that she knew I'd found a wonderful present for her because she could feel how excited I was. The guys apparently couldn't resist making fun of me, saying stuff like, "You know you're doomed when you're willing to marry a woman who can actually read your mind."
Sini wanted to see her present right away, but I told her she had to wait. I said that if we were going to do this the traditional way, the two of us had to be alone in a nice, quiet setting. It had to be meaningful. She agreed that would be best.
So, on Sunday afternoon in the garden, I asked my soulmate if she'd marry me. I got down on my knees and everything.
This is probably going to sound odd but, even though I was absolutely certain what her answer would be, I was still nervous. I felt like I couldn't breathe in the seconds between the end of my question and the beginning of her answer. Then, when she said yes, it was like there was this big explosion of excitement inside my body. It was the most amazing thing.
Sini asked me if I'd put the necklace on her, and I did it happily.
"Did I do good?"
"Well," she corrected, and then laughed. "Yes, you did very well. It is beautiful."
"I'm glad you think so."
"I think it is a perfect symbol for us. A heart, for our love," she said, and then added softly, "And pink, like sunrise."
That was the moment at which I knew what people mean when they say their hearts are full. It was as if I was overflowing with joy. I know life isn't like a fairy tale - nothing is ever truly perfect - but right then and there I let myself forget that, just for a little while. I wanted this chapter in The Story of Sini and Tyler to conclude "...and they lived happily ever after."
Wednesday, 12 June 2013
Art For The Blind
This post should probably be censored for mature content. Consider yourselves warned.
Now that you've been warned, I can tell you that the subject of this post is art and how I learned something about it. Art isn't one of the things I'm into, for obvious reasons, and I have to say I'd never given it much thought before last week. Until last Wednesday, art was a more or less vague concept to me. I could've given you a definition, but I didn't have any actual understanding of it.
I'm sure I mentioned how busy everyone was around here last week. Things were insane at the store and I was tired by the time I got home from work every day. Anyway, last Wednesday I just had one of those days. You know the kind I mean. One of those days where nothing goes right, the customers are all demanding and impatient, your boss blames you for every problem he can't solve, and you drop practically everything you pick up. By the time I made my way home from that nightmare, I was in no mood to tolerate anything less than peace and quiet.
Sini didn't know that, of course.
She met me at the door and, as she often does, greeted me in a very demonstrative way. I was grumpy and didn't want to be touched, but I didn't say anything. I thought maybe she'd figure it out, but I guess I must not have been feeling disagreeable enough for her to sense it. Either that, or she was simply ignoring my mood.
One of Sini's favourite things to do is to hug me from behind and kiss my ears. For some reason, Sini is fascinated by my ears. My theory is that she likes human ears in general because they're different from hers, and that she likes mine in particular because she doesn't need explicit permission any more if she wants to touch them. She seems to enjoy tracing the rounded part at the top with her fingertip and, on a few instances, one of my ears has been the recipient of an experimental pinch or bite. This may be a sign of affection for the people of Sini's planet, but I don't like it. Sini has sharp nails and, despite being an evolved vegetarian, surprisingly sharp teeth. We've had conversations about the ear-biting issue, although I don't think the message I've been trying to convey has entirely gotten through. On one notable occasion she told me, "I would let you bite my ears if you wanted to."
No thanks. That's not the way I roll.
Anyway, while we were still basically at the front door, she wrapped herself around me in a hug that involved all four limbs. That acrobatic trick effectively forced me to carry her piggyback-style into the living room before she finally let me go.
"Do you really have to do that?" I said, as she slipped down from my back and onto the couch.
"You would prefer that I welcome you home the way Rommie does to Michael? How do you call it? Air kisses." She made a scornful little snorting sound. "That is boring. Our way is more fun."
I flopped down beside her on the couch. "Maybe for you."
"You do not like it?"
"I'm tired, Sini. And you're heavy."
"Oh."
"I'm sorry," I said. "I don't mean to snap at you. It's just..."
"A hard day at the office?" she said.
I smiled in spite of my mood. "Where did you learn that one?"
"It is something Sapphire says," she told me. Without even asking, she snuggled up close and began unbuttoning my shirt. "Was it?"
"A hard day at the office? Yeah, it was."
"Do you want to tell me about it?"
"Not really," i said.
She finished with the buttons and I let her slide the shirt down over my arms because I thought maybe an impromptu shoulder massage was forthcoming. Sini is really good at those. I was disappointed, though, as she only seemed interested in getting past the barrier of my clothing so she could tickle me. She slipped her hands beneath my undershirt and wiggled her fingers against my bare stomach.
"Guess what I did today," she said.
"I can't guess," I said.
"Are you too tired to guess?"
"Yes," I said. "What did you do?"
"I helped Xander with his final project for his art class."
"Really?"
"It was fun."
"Helping Xander was fun for you?" I said. "How exactly did you help him, anyway?"
"He made pictures of me." Her questing hands slid up to my chest, lifting my undershirt in the process. She said plaintively, "Why do you wear so many layers?"
"Sini, could you not undress me, please? What do you mean, Xander made pictures of you?"
"He has a camera," she said.
"I know. So, he took photos of you?"
"Yes. We hung a big white sheet on the wall behind the bed and he made pictures with his camera. I liked the pink feathers."
That was the point at which my mild concern grew into suspicion. I peeled her hands off me and sat back. "What pink feathers?"
"The pink feathers on the bed. I was not wearing anything, and Xander said the feathers were--"
"What?" I interrupted. "You weren't wearing anything?"
"I did say that."
"Why?" I demanded.
"Xander asked me to."
"And you did it."
"Yes."
"Sini--" I began, but found I couldn't continue without the risk of raising my voice. She didn't deserve that, and it wouldn't do either of us any good to make the tension in the room any worse than it already was. I sat there in silence for several seconds while I tried to process everything that was whirling through my head. I thought Sini understood the rule about covering herself, because she usually follows it, even if she does push the envelope of modesty. It bothered me that she might not actually buy into the rationale behind the rule, and that all it took for her to get undressed was a simple request for her to do so. The purpose for which she did it bothered me even more. I know things are different where she comes from, but I couldn't imagine any context in which what she did could be considered okay. I didn't know if I should be angry or shocked or disgusted or...
I was startled out of my frantic inner monologue by Sini's exclamation of, "Tyler! You are jealous!"
She sounded utterly astonished, as if she couldn't comprehend why she should be sensing such a feeling from me. I hadn't even been consciously thinking about that. I mean, it should've gone without saying that I was jealous.
"I can't believe you're surprised by that," I said, unable to keep the incredulity out of my tone.
"Why?"
"Why am I jealous? You took off your clothes for Xander, of all people!"
"Yes, I did."
"And you don't know why I'm jealous?"
"No," she said.
"Seriously? Do I really have to explain it?"
"I do not understand why it bothers you," she said. "On my world, we cover ourselves only when circumstances demand it. It is not special when we do not wear clothes."
"Sini, you're not on your world. On this world, women who are with somebody aren't supposed to take their clothes off for other men. It's...well, it's not right."
"Xander said it is art, so it is different than real life. Besides, Xander does not even like women."
"That's not the point. Xander shouldn't have asked you to do that."
"Why not?"
"Because he knows better," I said. I imagined myself having a very serious man-to-man with Xander, and my mental image of it wasn't pretty. "Anyway, even if he did ask, you should know better."
"We did not do anything wrong. It was fun and nothing happened."
"How can you say nothing happened? Letting Xander take pictures of you like that, knowing he's gong to show them to his teacher and his entire class isn't nothing."
"It is nothing to worry about."
"It is to me," I said. "You have no idea, do you? You have absolutely no idea how totally inapproriate it is to pose naked for pictures that everyone's going to see."
"Everyone except you," she said.
That caught me off guard.
I was so stunned by the blunt impact of her words, the only thing I could manage in response was a breathless, "What?"
"Is that not the real problem?" Sini said. "You are not upset because I took off my clothes. You are upset because other people will enjoy Xander's pictures of me and you cannot."
"That's not--" I started to say.
"Think before you speak," she said.
Finding myself unequivocally admonished, I did think about it. Was I really more upset about not being able to enjoy the pictures than I was about them having been created in the first place? I didn't think so. Rationally, I knew Sini was right about Xander not being interested in her, but other people definitely would be interested, and I was sure Xander was fully aware of that. I really wasn't happy that those other people would be looking at Sini's beautiful body cradled in feathers, and I didn't think it was right for her to share herself with strangers in such an obviously provocative way. That's what really made me jealous and angry. The fact that the only person who should have the privilege of looking couldn't see what everyone else was seeing only added insult to injury.
"You know, we wouldn't be having this conversation if you'd just told Xander you wouldn't help him with his project," I said. I'm sure I sounded sullen, but at that point I didn't really care.
"How could I say no? How can he learn by example if I do not set one?"
"I'm not sure what kind of example you're setting by getting undressed."
"You know that is not what I mean. I am talking about being helpful."
"Okay, fine. I guess Xander does need all the examples of good behaviour that he can get. But, why did you have to set an example of helpfulness by doing this?"
Instead of attempting to answer my rhetorical question, Sini curled her fingers around mine. She got up from the couch and did her best to pull me up with her. "Come with me to our room," she said. "I want to show you something."
I sighed. "What is it?"
"It is a surprise."
"I don't like surprises."
"You will like this one," she said.
"Maybe."
Reluctantly, I allowed her to lead me upstairs. Once we were in our room, Sini shut the door. and then I heard the soft rustling of fabric. I was pretty sure I knew what was going on, but I had to ask anyway.
"Sini, what are you doing?"
"Undress," she instructed me.
"What?"
"You know what I said. Please do it."
"No," I said.
"Tyler, please," she said, "I want you to see what the people who look at Xander's pictures will see."
"I'm not getting undressed. This is--"
"Trust me," she said. She padded over to me and started to help me do what I was less than willing to do for myself. "Close your eyes."
"Why?"
"It will help you concentrate."
"On what?"
"The answer to a question," she said. She led me across the room and guided my hands down carefully toward the surface of the bed. "Look at this and tell me what you think."
My palms encountered something warm and fluffy, and I drew back in surprise. "Feathers?"
"Pink feathers."
"You and Xander didn't pick them up?"
"Xander wanted to, but I asked him not to."
"You left them here on purpose."
"Yes," she said. "I wanted you to see."
"So, you were going to show me this all along?" No longer cautious of what I might find, I lowered my hands to the bed again to examine the feathers. "Why didn't you just ask me to come in here in the first place? Why tell me about the pictures?"
"Because it would have been dishonest not to," she said. "Besides, it would be very difficult to explain why there are feathers on our bed without telling about the pictures, and it would be difficult to teach you about art without the feathers."
"You want to teach me about art?"
"It is important."
"Not to me."
"Are you never curious about what other people feel when they look at paintings and pictures?"
"Sometimes, I guess, but I've made it this far in life without knowing."
"You should know," Sini said. "I will teach you. This will work best if you lie down."
"Okay," I said.
I wondered what was about to happen, but I did as she asked. I climbed onto the bed and lay on my stomach.
Just as Sini had said, the bed was entirely covered with feathers. It was the strangest and most amazing sensation, feeling those soft, warm feathers tickling me all over my skin. It didn't take long for me to understand why Sini thought it was fun. Sans camera, this could be a very enjoyable activity indeed. I'm embarrassed to admit it now, but I kind of rolled around a little. That made Sini laugh. She didn't wait for an invitation to join me. She just pounced on me and rolled me back the other way.
"Lie still," she said. "I want to ask you the question now."
"What question?"
She stroked my face with her fingertips. "Relax and close your eyes."
I lowered my eyelids and tried to make myself breathe more deeply and slowly. What this had to do with learning about art, I wasn't sure, but I decided to play along for a while and see what would come of it.
What happened was that after a few seconds I recognized that the sensation of Sini's fingers caressing my cheek had been replaced by something else; something gentler and softer. I realized she was touching me with a feather.
"When you think about the colour pink," Sini said, "what does it mean?"
"I'm thinking about the feathers right now. They're pink, right?"
"Good. You are supposed to think about the feathers, but that is not what I asked. I know you cannot see the colours, but do they not mean something to you?
"I don't know. Some colours do, I guess."
"Which ones?" She brushed the feather over my cheek one more time and then down my neck and across my collarbone.
"Blue means something to me."
"What does blue mean?"
"Freedom," I said. "The sky and the ocean. It means happiness. It means...you."
"Pink," she said softly, "is beauty and pleasure. Pink is sunrise. Do you remember the first time I showed you the sunrise?"
It'd be difficult to forget that night I spent lying in the back yard with Sini, talking until the sun came up. Even though we'd only just started learning about each other at that point, when she described the sunrise without my even asking her to, I knew she was special. I knew she was capable of understanding me in a way that no one ever had before.
"Yes," I said. "I remember."
"Imagine all your feelings about sunrise are something you can touch. Imagine allowing it to touch every part of you until your mind and your body are surrounded by it."
Like the feathers, I thought. My body was surrounded by the real feathers and my mind was surrounded by the concept of feathers.
No, I corrected myself. My mind is surrounded by the concept of 'pink' and 'sunrise' and how that makes me feel. I was astounded when I made the connection. This was something that had never occurred to me before.
"Is this what art is really about? Connecting colours and feelings and experiences all together?"
"It is something like that," Sini said. "Do you like it?"
"Very much," I said.
I'm pretty sure I don't need to tell you about the next part of Sini's art appreciation lesson. Suffice it to say, I got a lot more out of Sini's art exhibit than anyone else could get from just looking at photos of her.
Afterward, we lay quietly in the middle of our feathery bed, snuggled together in a comfortable embrace. It's nice just to be close like that, touching but not talking. The silence gave me a chance to reflect. The afternoon's events and our earlier conversation hadn't left my mind, but I have to say that after experiencing Sini's particular strategy for calming me, I judged myself much more capable of being rational about the whole thing.
It was Sini who eventually broke the silence between us. She said, "Do you feel better now?"
I smiled as I stroked the pointed tip of one of her ears. "Don't you know?"
"I want you to tell me."
"I do feel better, but..."
"But, you still do not like what I did."
"You're right that I don't like what you did. It's done now, though, so I'll have to live with it."
"You are not angry now."
"I thought you wanted me to tell you that."
"I cannot sense your anger, like before. Are you still angry a little?"
"No, I'm not angry. I'm not sure if there's even a name for what I feel," I said. "I'm trying to wrap my head around it, you know? Everything that went on today."
"You do not understand why we disagree about the...appropriateness of what Xander and I did."
"You're right. I don't understand it," I said. "I think we have to accept that we'll always disagree about it, but can you promise me one thing?
"What do you want me to promise?"
"Don't ever do anything like that again."
"I promise," she said. She seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then she ventured, "I did not mean to do anything that would hurt you this much. I can still feel how troubled you are, and I...I do not like it."
"I'm sorry."
"I am sorry. It is my fault you feel this way."
"It was a mistake," I said.
"We just made the pictures today," she said. "It is possible Xander has not showed them to his teacher yet."
"What are you saying?"
"If I ask Xander not to show the pictures to his teacher, will that make it better?"
"What about his project?"
"Perhaps he can make new pictures," she said. "And I will wear something this time."
"If he takes different pictures, the art won't have the same meaning, will it?"
"No. Probably it will not."
I'd like to say that I was magnanimous and that I tried my best to set aside my personal misgivings for the sake of another man's creative vision, but that was not the case. The truth is, I wanted Xander to get a passing grade in his art class, but I really didn't want him to get it at the expense of Sini's virtue. Asking him not to show the pictures to anyone sounded like a perfectly sensible solution to me, and I saw no reason why he couldn't, as Sini suggested, take new and more decorous photos of her.
I was almost certain Xander would raise an argument when we approached him about it but, as I lay there amid the feathers with my soulmate's head resting on my shoulder, it occurred to me what I was going to tell him.
Some art is not for sharing.
Now that you've been warned, I can tell you that the subject of this post is art and how I learned something about it. Art isn't one of the things I'm into, for obvious reasons, and I have to say I'd never given it much thought before last week. Until last Wednesday, art was a more or less vague concept to me. I could've given you a definition, but I didn't have any actual understanding of it.
I'm sure I mentioned how busy everyone was around here last week. Things were insane at the store and I was tired by the time I got home from work every day. Anyway, last Wednesday I just had one of those days. You know the kind I mean. One of those days where nothing goes right, the customers are all demanding and impatient, your boss blames you for every problem he can't solve, and you drop practically everything you pick up. By the time I made my way home from that nightmare, I was in no mood to tolerate anything less than peace and quiet.
Sini didn't know that, of course.
She met me at the door and, as she often does, greeted me in a very demonstrative way. I was grumpy and didn't want to be touched, but I didn't say anything. I thought maybe she'd figure it out, but I guess I must not have been feeling disagreeable enough for her to sense it. Either that, or she was simply ignoring my mood.
One of Sini's favourite things to do is to hug me from behind and kiss my ears. For some reason, Sini is fascinated by my ears. My theory is that she likes human ears in general because they're different from hers, and that she likes mine in particular because she doesn't need explicit permission any more if she wants to touch them. She seems to enjoy tracing the rounded part at the top with her fingertip and, on a few instances, one of my ears has been the recipient of an experimental pinch or bite. This may be a sign of affection for the people of Sini's planet, but I don't like it. Sini has sharp nails and, despite being an evolved vegetarian, surprisingly sharp teeth. We've had conversations about the ear-biting issue, although I don't think the message I've been trying to convey has entirely gotten through. On one notable occasion she told me, "I would let you bite my ears if you wanted to."
No thanks. That's not the way I roll.
Anyway, while we were still basically at the front door, she wrapped herself around me in a hug that involved all four limbs. That acrobatic trick effectively forced me to carry her piggyback-style into the living room before she finally let me go.
"Do you really have to do that?" I said, as she slipped down from my back and onto the couch.
"You would prefer that I welcome you home the way Rommie does to Michael? How do you call it? Air kisses." She made a scornful little snorting sound. "That is boring. Our way is more fun."
I flopped down beside her on the couch. "Maybe for you."
"You do not like it?"
"I'm tired, Sini. And you're heavy."
"Oh."
"I'm sorry," I said. "I don't mean to snap at you. It's just..."
"A hard day at the office?" she said.
I smiled in spite of my mood. "Where did you learn that one?"
"It is something Sapphire says," she told me. Without even asking, she snuggled up close and began unbuttoning my shirt. "Was it?"
"A hard day at the office? Yeah, it was."
"Do you want to tell me about it?"
"Not really," i said.
She finished with the buttons and I let her slide the shirt down over my arms because I thought maybe an impromptu shoulder massage was forthcoming. Sini is really good at those. I was disappointed, though, as she only seemed interested in getting past the barrier of my clothing so she could tickle me. She slipped her hands beneath my undershirt and wiggled her fingers against my bare stomach.
"Guess what I did today," she said.
"I can't guess," I said.
"Are you too tired to guess?"
"Yes," I said. "What did you do?"
"I helped Xander with his final project for his art class."
"Really?"
"It was fun."
"Helping Xander was fun for you?" I said. "How exactly did you help him, anyway?"
"He made pictures of me." Her questing hands slid up to my chest, lifting my undershirt in the process. She said plaintively, "Why do you wear so many layers?"
"Sini, could you not undress me, please? What do you mean, Xander made pictures of you?"
"He has a camera," she said.
"I know. So, he took photos of you?"
"Yes. We hung a big white sheet on the wall behind the bed and he made pictures with his camera. I liked the pink feathers."
That was the point at which my mild concern grew into suspicion. I peeled her hands off me and sat back. "What pink feathers?"
"The pink feathers on the bed. I was not wearing anything, and Xander said the feathers were--"
"What?" I interrupted. "You weren't wearing anything?"
"I did say that."
"Why?" I demanded.
"Xander asked me to."
"And you did it."
"Yes."
"Sini--" I began, but found I couldn't continue without the risk of raising my voice. She didn't deserve that, and it wouldn't do either of us any good to make the tension in the room any worse than it already was. I sat there in silence for several seconds while I tried to process everything that was whirling through my head. I thought Sini understood the rule about covering herself, because she usually follows it, even if she does push the envelope of modesty. It bothered me that she might not actually buy into the rationale behind the rule, and that all it took for her to get undressed was a simple request for her to do so. The purpose for which she did it bothered me even more. I know things are different where she comes from, but I couldn't imagine any context in which what she did could be considered okay. I didn't know if I should be angry or shocked or disgusted or...
I was startled out of my frantic inner monologue by Sini's exclamation of, "Tyler! You are jealous!"
She sounded utterly astonished, as if she couldn't comprehend why she should be sensing such a feeling from me. I hadn't even been consciously thinking about that. I mean, it should've gone without saying that I was jealous.
"I can't believe you're surprised by that," I said, unable to keep the incredulity out of my tone.
"Why?"
"Why am I jealous? You took off your clothes for Xander, of all people!"
"Yes, I did."
"And you don't know why I'm jealous?"
"No," she said.
"Seriously? Do I really have to explain it?"
"I do not understand why it bothers you," she said. "On my world, we cover ourselves only when circumstances demand it. It is not special when we do not wear clothes."
"Sini, you're not on your world. On this world, women who are with somebody aren't supposed to take their clothes off for other men. It's...well, it's not right."
"Xander said it is art, so it is different than real life. Besides, Xander does not even like women."
"That's not the point. Xander shouldn't have asked you to do that."
"Why not?"
"Because he knows better," I said. I imagined myself having a very serious man-to-man with Xander, and my mental image of it wasn't pretty. "Anyway, even if he did ask, you should know better."
"We did not do anything wrong. It was fun and nothing happened."
"How can you say nothing happened? Letting Xander take pictures of you like that, knowing he's gong to show them to his teacher and his entire class isn't nothing."
"It is nothing to worry about."
"It is to me," I said. "You have no idea, do you? You have absolutely no idea how totally inapproriate it is to pose naked for pictures that everyone's going to see."
"Everyone except you," she said.
That caught me off guard.
I was so stunned by the blunt impact of her words, the only thing I could manage in response was a breathless, "What?"
"Is that not the real problem?" Sini said. "You are not upset because I took off my clothes. You are upset because other people will enjoy Xander's pictures of me and you cannot."
"That's not--" I started to say.
"Think before you speak," she said.
Finding myself unequivocally admonished, I did think about it. Was I really more upset about not being able to enjoy the pictures than I was about them having been created in the first place? I didn't think so. Rationally, I knew Sini was right about Xander not being interested in her, but other people definitely would be interested, and I was sure Xander was fully aware of that. I really wasn't happy that those other people would be looking at Sini's beautiful body cradled in feathers, and I didn't think it was right for her to share herself with strangers in such an obviously provocative way. That's what really made me jealous and angry. The fact that the only person who should have the privilege of looking couldn't see what everyone else was seeing only added insult to injury.
"You know, we wouldn't be having this conversation if you'd just told Xander you wouldn't help him with his project," I said. I'm sure I sounded sullen, but at that point I didn't really care.
"How could I say no? How can he learn by example if I do not set one?"
"I'm not sure what kind of example you're setting by getting undressed."
"You know that is not what I mean. I am talking about being helpful."
"Okay, fine. I guess Xander does need all the examples of good behaviour that he can get. But, why did you have to set an example of helpfulness by doing this?"
Instead of attempting to answer my rhetorical question, Sini curled her fingers around mine. She got up from the couch and did her best to pull me up with her. "Come with me to our room," she said. "I want to show you something."
I sighed. "What is it?"
"It is a surprise."
"I don't like surprises."
"You will like this one," she said.
"Maybe."
Reluctantly, I allowed her to lead me upstairs. Once we were in our room, Sini shut the door. and then I heard the soft rustling of fabric. I was pretty sure I knew what was going on, but I had to ask anyway.
"Sini, what are you doing?"
"Undress," she instructed me.
"What?"
"You know what I said. Please do it."
"No," I said.
"Tyler, please," she said, "I want you to see what the people who look at Xander's pictures will see."
"I'm not getting undressed. This is--"
"Trust me," she said. She padded over to me and started to help me do what I was less than willing to do for myself. "Close your eyes."
"Why?"
"It will help you concentrate."
"On what?"
"The answer to a question," she said. She led me across the room and guided my hands down carefully toward the surface of the bed. "Look at this and tell me what you think."
My palms encountered something warm and fluffy, and I drew back in surprise. "Feathers?"
"Pink feathers."
"You and Xander didn't pick them up?"
"Xander wanted to, but I asked him not to."
"You left them here on purpose."
"Yes," she said. "I wanted you to see."
"So, you were going to show me this all along?" No longer cautious of what I might find, I lowered my hands to the bed again to examine the feathers. "Why didn't you just ask me to come in here in the first place? Why tell me about the pictures?"
"Because it would have been dishonest not to," she said. "Besides, it would be very difficult to explain why there are feathers on our bed without telling about the pictures, and it would be difficult to teach you about art without the feathers."
"You want to teach me about art?"
"It is important."
"Not to me."
"Are you never curious about what other people feel when they look at paintings and pictures?"
"Sometimes, I guess, but I've made it this far in life without knowing."
"You should know," Sini said. "I will teach you. This will work best if you lie down."
"Okay," I said.
I wondered what was about to happen, but I did as she asked. I climbed onto the bed and lay on my stomach.
"Lie still," she said. "I want to ask you the question now."
"What question?"
She stroked my face with her fingertips. "Relax and close your eyes."
I lowered my eyelids and tried to make myself breathe more deeply and slowly. What this had to do with learning about art, I wasn't sure, but I decided to play along for a while and see what would come of it.
What happened was that after a few seconds I recognized that the sensation of Sini's fingers caressing my cheek had been replaced by something else; something gentler and softer. I realized she was touching me with a feather.
"When you think about the colour pink," Sini said, "what does it mean?"
"I'm thinking about the feathers right now. They're pink, right?"
"Good. You are supposed to think about the feathers, but that is not what I asked. I know you cannot see the colours, but do they not mean something to you?
"I don't know. Some colours do, I guess."
"Which ones?" She brushed the feather over my cheek one more time and then down my neck and across my collarbone.
"Blue means something to me."
"What does blue mean?"
"Freedom," I said. "The sky and the ocean. It means happiness. It means...you."
"Pink," she said softly, "is beauty and pleasure. Pink is sunrise. Do you remember the first time I showed you the sunrise?"
It'd be difficult to forget that night I spent lying in the back yard with Sini, talking until the sun came up. Even though we'd only just started learning about each other at that point, when she described the sunrise without my even asking her to, I knew she was special. I knew she was capable of understanding me in a way that no one ever had before.
"Yes," I said. "I remember."
"Imagine all your feelings about sunrise are something you can touch. Imagine allowing it to touch every part of you until your mind and your body are surrounded by it."
Like the feathers, I thought. My body was surrounded by the real feathers and my mind was surrounded by the concept of feathers.
No, I corrected myself. My mind is surrounded by the concept of 'pink' and 'sunrise' and how that makes me feel. I was astounded when I made the connection. This was something that had never occurred to me before.
"Is this what art is really about? Connecting colours and feelings and experiences all together?"
"It is something like that," Sini said. "Do you like it?"
"Very much," I said.
I'm pretty sure I don't need to tell you about the next part of Sini's art appreciation lesson. Suffice it to say, I got a lot more out of Sini's art exhibit than anyone else could get from just looking at photos of her.
Afterward, we lay quietly in the middle of our feathery bed, snuggled together in a comfortable embrace. It's nice just to be close like that, touching but not talking. The silence gave me a chance to reflect. The afternoon's events and our earlier conversation hadn't left my mind, but I have to say that after experiencing Sini's particular strategy for calming me, I judged myself much more capable of being rational about the whole thing.
It was Sini who eventually broke the silence between us. She said, "Do you feel better now?"
I smiled as I stroked the pointed tip of one of her ears. "Don't you know?"
"I want you to tell me."
"I do feel better, but..."
"But, you still do not like what I did."
"You're right that I don't like what you did. It's done now, though, so I'll have to live with it."
"You are not angry now."
"I thought you wanted me to tell you that."
"I cannot sense your anger, like before. Are you still angry a little?"
"No, I'm not angry. I'm not sure if there's even a name for what I feel," I said. "I'm trying to wrap my head around it, you know? Everything that went on today."
"You do not understand why we disagree about the...appropriateness of what Xander and I did."
"You're right. I don't understand it," I said. "I think we have to accept that we'll always disagree about it, but can you promise me one thing?
"What do you want me to promise?"
"Don't ever do anything like that again."
"I promise," she said. She seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then she ventured, "I did not mean to do anything that would hurt you this much. I can still feel how troubled you are, and I...I do not like it."
"I'm sorry."
"I am sorry. It is my fault you feel this way."
"It was a mistake," I said.
"We just made the pictures today," she said. "It is possible Xander has not showed them to his teacher yet."
"What are you saying?"
"If I ask Xander not to show the pictures to his teacher, will that make it better?"
"What about his project?"
"Perhaps he can make new pictures," she said. "And I will wear something this time."
"If he takes different pictures, the art won't have the same meaning, will it?"
"No. Probably it will not."
I'd like to say that I was magnanimous and that I tried my best to set aside my personal misgivings for the sake of another man's creative vision, but that was not the case. The truth is, I wanted Xander to get a passing grade in his art class, but I really didn't want him to get it at the expense of Sini's virtue. Asking him not to show the pictures to anyone sounded like a perfectly sensible solution to me, and I saw no reason why he couldn't, as Sini suggested, take new and more decorous photos of her.
I was almost certain Xander would raise an argument when we approached him about it but, as I lay there amid the feathers with my soulmate's head resting on my shoulder, it occurred to me what I was going to tell him.
Some art is not for sharing.
Saturday, 8 June 2013
The Travelling Man
I've been back from my travels for over a week now and I really should've updated before this, but it seems we've all been insanely busy this past week. Sapphire says things have been crazy at her work. Things haven't exactly been calm at my work, either. I guess with the end of the school year coming up, parents are anxious to enroll their kids in all kinds of lessons to keep them occupied. Music lessons seem to be a popular choice. We've sold a lot of beginner piano and guitar method books this week.
So, here's the quick news update. Michael and I are counting down the days until our university graduation ceremony and Xander is getting ready to graduate from high school. Rommie's birthday is next weekend. Hunter changed her hair style and also seems to have discovered the same online dating web site where Xander and Remi met. Dylan apparently has a crush on somebody, but he's not telling us who it is. Maybe he's meeting people online, too. I'll keep you updated on that for sure.
Now that we're all caught up on the day-to-day stuff, I can tell you about our trip. Sapphire let me come to the office with her on the day we left, because we were travelling with one of her co-workers and we were supposed to leave around noon. The travelling itself was pretty uneventful. I slept most of the way there. I was up way too late the night before, so the chance to rest was more than welcome.
I was wide awake by the time we reached our destination, though. We made our way to the hotel and, I have to say, I was totally impressed. There were Braille signs everywhere. The staff was really friendly and helpful, and they didn't seem the least bit put off by their disabled guests. I didn't really need help finding our room. I was beyond pleased that I could find it by myself.
Sapphire liked the hotel's slogan:
If you've never stayed in a luxury hotel, you should try to do it at least once in your lifetime. These places are way beyond the comforts of home.
Our room even had aromatherapy soap in the bathroom (although I didn't know that when I found it, and I had to ask Sapphire what it was).
This is one of those photos I hoped would never see the light of day, but apparently Sapphire thinks it'd be fun to let you all see this. I mean, seriously? Hasn't she ever heard of 'what happens at the hotel stays at the hotel'?
Really? Do you mind? Man taking a bath here. A little privacy would have been nice.
Sapphire had big plans to go out and do a bunch of shopping on the first evening, before the conference started. I'm not much of a shopper, so I decided to stay around the hotel, check out the pool or maybe try to figure out if there were any pay-per-view movies with descriptive video. Sapphire said she would try not to be out too long, and that she'd bring back something to eat. I suggested sushi since I've never had it before and since Sapphire always says how good it is.
Sapphire was gone a couple of hours but, sure enough, she returned with three different kinds of sushi. I don't know how to use chopsticks, so I ate it with my fingers. Sapphire also brought some cookies. We helped ourselves to those and indulged in an adult beverage too.
From this experience, I learned two things. The first is that I don't like sushi. The second is that I shouldn't do things that I'm reasonably certain will end badly.
After we ate, Sapphire found a movie that had descriptive video and we settled in to watch it. About halfway through the movie, though, I stopped paying attention because I'd started feeling really awful. My stomach was hurting and I was scared that I might be sick.
You might've figured out by now that I'm ill a lot. The doctors say my immune system has never been what it should be, ever since I was born.
I guess I've never mentioned to you guys before that Michael and I were premature babies. Even though I was the first one born - I'm older than Michael by about fifteen minutes - I was smaller and had way more health issues. The doctors actually told our parents that it'd be a miracle if I survived past the first twenty-four hours of my life. Well, I've obviously made it a lot farther than that, but there are some lasting effects of being born too soon. I had a lot of problems with digestion as a kid, and I still eat according to a fairly strict diet. I don't eat fried foods very often and I try to avoid things that are too spicy. I sometimes drink alcohol, but more often than not, that upsets my stomach too, so I haven't made a habit of it. I guess I just had a moment on this trip when I imagined I was invincible.
Booze? Sure thing. Sushi? Why not? It'll be fine.
Yeah...not so much.
Sapphire must've noticed that something wasn't right, because she asked me if I was okay. When I told her what was the matter, she said not to worry. It was most likely a combination of being tired, eating unfamiliar food and drinking a little too much. I'd figured that out on my own already. What bothered me most was not the fact that I wasn't feeling well; it was the idea of being sick while I was away from home. Sapphire helped me into bed and told me that she was sure I'd be all right after a good night's rest.
Sapphire decided not to watch the rest of the movie. She turned off the TV so it wouldn't disturb me. I could hear her over at the desk, doing something on her computer.
The bed was amazingly comfortable, but I didn't know if I'd be able to fall asleep. If I was at home, I thought, I'd feel better. Sini would cuddle me and put her cool palms on my aching belly and sing me one of her strangely beautiful Erisan folk songs. All of a sudden, I really missed Sini and Skyla, and I wanted desperately to go home. Of course, I always miss my girls when I'm away from them, but I've never been homesick like that before. It was a horrible feeling. Lying there in that big, soft bed and thinking of my own cozy bed at home, I actually started to cry a little.
I must've whimpered or something because Sapphire left what she was doing on her laptop and came over to check on me. At first, I didn't want to say what was wrong because I was embarrassed to tell her the real reason I was crying.
"My stomach hurts really bad," I said, and I sounded pitiful even to myself.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I shouldn't have let you eat that stuff."
"I wanted it."
"I know, but the least I could've done was remind you of what might happen."
"It's not your fault," I said. "Sometimes I'm just dumb."
"Oh, Tyler..." Her voice had that sympathetic but somehow gently scolding tone. It was the sort of tone that made me think she really did feel sorry for the pain I was in, but that she was also chiding me for something. I couldn't decide whether it might be for referring to myself as dumb or for actually doing the dumb thing that led to my being in pain in the first place.
Whatever it happened to be for, the implied scolding was enough to push me past the threshold of emotional restraint. Without much warning at all, I found myself sobbing like a child. I felt Sapphire slip her arms around me, and I instinctively hid my face against her shoulder.
"I want to go home!" I blurted, suddenly not caring that I sounded like a little kid and that this should have been embarrassing in the extreme.
"We can't go home now, sweetie. I'm here for work, remember?"
"I should've stayed home."
"Why?"
For a minute or so, I didn't answer her. I just concentrated on getting my breathing under control and stopping myself from shedding any more humiliating tears. Finally I managed, "I...I miss my family."
"It's okay. I think it's normal to miss them when you're away."
"Not like this," I said.
"Do you want to call them?"
"I talked to them just after we got here."
"You spoke to Michael, didn't you?" she said. "I think maybe you need to talk with Sini and Pax, and say hi to Skyla."
I thought about it for a minute and realized I really did need to hear Sini's voice. I don't have my own cell phone, mostly because I can't really afford it yet, but Sapphire doesn't mind occasionally letting me use her phone. She had to dial for me, because her phone has a touch screen. I couldn't use voice dialling because our house phone isn't programmed into her contact list. I think she needs to fix that.
Much to my relief, it was actually Sini who answered my call. It's not that I didn't want to talk to anyone else, but it was just easier not having to ask to speak with her.
Almost immediately after we said hello, she demanded to know, "What is wrong?'
I didn't bother trying to deny there was a problem. It's virtually impossible to dissemble with Sini; she's like a living, breathing lie detector.
"I miss you," I said.
She made a sympathetic little mewing noise, and said. "You are not having fun?"
"Not at the moment," I told her. "So, what are you doing right now?"
"I am not having fun, either. Rommie is teaching me how to sew, and it is not going well. You called at a very good time."
"You're learning to sew?"
"Rommie says it is a 'womanly skill'. She says I should know these things."
"Leave it to June Cleaver," I said. "Personally, I think you already know all the womanly skills you need to know."
"Do you mean...?" she began, but then she started giggling.
Her mischief was infectious and, despite my physical discomfort, I almost felt like laughing too. I said, "You know what I mean. Has anyone ever told you that you have a naughty mind?"
"You," she said. "All the time."
"It's true."
"I think you must like it, because you do not complain."
"I do like it, but let's not go down that road of conversation right now, okay? I'm not exactly alone in the room, you know," I said. "Is Pax in bed yet? I'd like to talk to him for a minute, if he isn't."
"He is still awake," Sini said. "Wait, and I will get him."
Sini must've laid the cordless phone on the table instead of taking it with her when she went to find Pax. I listened to the background noises of the house for a few minutes while I waited. Eventually, they came back and then I heard Sini coaxing Pax to talk into the phone.
After several seconds of silence, Pax's hesitant voice said, "Tyler?"
"Hi Pax," I said. "Are you being good?"
"Tyler!" he exclaimed. He sounded utterly perplexed. "In telephone?"
I could hear Sini giggling in the background, and I couldn't help grinning. "No, I'm not in the telephone. I'm far away, but the telephone lets me talk to you, no matter where we are."
"Like computer? Like Xander talk to Remi?"
"Yeah, something like that, except when we're on the telephone we can't see each other."
To my surprise, Pax laughed out loud at that. "I there, Tyler not see me."
"You know what I mean."
"Tyler funny," he informed me.
"I miss you," I said.
"When come back?"
"On Sunday. That's five sleeps away."
"Can has a surprise?"
"Can I have..." I started to correct him.
He interrupted me with, "I know! Can I have a surprise, please?"
I laughed. "I'll tell you what, buddy. You practice asking for things the way we taught you, and I'll bring you a surprise, okay?"
"Okay," he said. "Can I talk to the telephone again, please?"
"You want to talk to me on the phone again before I come home?"
"Yes. Telephone is fun," he said, and added proudly, "This first time I talk to the telephone."
"On the telephone. You talk to someone on the telephone. I'll call you again in a couple of days, okay?"
"Okay. Want talk to Sini on the telephone, now?"
"Yes, please," I said.
When Sini came back on the line, I could hear her amusement in her voice. "How do you say it? Pax is a handful."
"He's doing really good with English," I said.
"Really well," Sini said, and we both laughed.
We talked for several more minutes, but then Sini said she thought I sounded tired and that I should try to get some sleep. She made me promise to be careful while I was out and about, and that I wouldn't do anything else that I knew might cause me trouble.
'I love you' isn't a common phrase among Erisans because they are literally capable of feeling the love someone has for them. Since learning that Sini can sense this emotion in particular from me as well, I don't often use words to express my affection for her, either. Just then, however, I wanted her to hear it. She couldn't sense me from that far away, and I needed her to know the real reason I'd called.
"I love you, Sini."
"To the moon and back?"
I smiled, remembering how much she adores the children's story about a baby rabbit and his father trying to define how much they love each other. We have a special Braille version of the book at home that has the pictures and printed words too, so I can read it to my family and they can follow along. Sini and Skyla both ask for the story all the time. Pax is starting to like the book as well, although I think he's more fascinated by the Braille than by the tale of the father rabbit and his son.
"Yes, I love you to the moon and back," I said.
"That is very, very far," said Sini.
I hoped she knew I was smiling even though she couldn't see me. Even if my physical condition hadn't improved, just hearing her sweet voice made my mind feel better. I said, "I'm glad I called."
"I am also glad you called," she said. She paused a beat and added, "I love you."
Falling asleep seemed easier after that.
The rest of the week went a lot better. As Sapphire predicted, I felt fine the next morning and I was ready to check out the city. I even took in some of the conference events.
In the evenings, after the conference sessions, we went out sightseeing. Last time I told someone I'd been out sightseeing, my comment was met with dead silence for about ten seconds, during which time I'm sure the person was debating whether 'sightseeing' is an activity blind people can really engage in. Yes, we can. There's a lot more to sightseeing than the 'seeing' part. Big cities are a feast for the ears! I loved visiting the waterfront, and riding on the crosstown bus. We have a waterfront and busses here at home too, but they're nothing like the ones in that busy, noisy place.
We also visited the Public Gardens where I got to smell half a dozen kinds of flowers I'd never encountered before, and where I was allowed to touch everything I could reach. At the Public Gardens, Sapphire showed me this weird tree stump. She says it's called the Tree Chair.
She took a photo of me with it, just to prove I was there.
On another evening, we went out and did some souvenir shopping, and we visited Historic Properties.
I am now an honourary pirate. Arrr!
Oh, and we also went to Build-A-Bear Workshop. This is our new furry friend. Her name is Courage. I was positive that Pax was going to like this surprise!
On the weekend, after the conference, we went to stay with Sapphire's parents for a couple of days. I went to the same beach we visited last year. I love it there. Sapphire says we can go back there again later this summer, and I want Sini and Skyla to come too.
Of course, we're back home now. The most important thing I learned during this trip is that even though I love travelling, I love my family more and - as Dorothy in Wizard of Oz so succinctly put it - there's no place like home.
So, here's the quick news update. Michael and I are counting down the days until our university graduation ceremony and Xander is getting ready to graduate from high school. Rommie's birthday is next weekend. Hunter changed her hair style and also seems to have discovered the same online dating web site where Xander and Remi met. Dylan apparently has a crush on somebody, but he's not telling us who it is. Maybe he's meeting people online, too. I'll keep you updated on that for sure.
Now that we're all caught up on the day-to-day stuff, I can tell you about our trip. Sapphire let me come to the office with her on the day we left, because we were travelling with one of her co-workers and we were supposed to leave around noon. The travelling itself was pretty uneventful. I slept most of the way there. I was up way too late the night before, so the chance to rest was more than welcome.
I was wide awake by the time we reached our destination, though. We made our way to the hotel and, I have to say, I was totally impressed. There were Braille signs everywhere. The staff was really friendly and helpful, and they didn't seem the least bit put off by their disabled guests. I didn't really need help finding our room. I was beyond pleased that I could find it by myself.
Sapphire liked the hotel's slogan:
If you've never stayed in a luxury hotel, you should try to do it at least once in your lifetime. These places are way beyond the comforts of home.
Our room even had aromatherapy soap in the bathroom (although I didn't know that when I found it, and I had to ask Sapphire what it was).
This is one of those photos I hoped would never see the light of day, but apparently Sapphire thinks it'd be fun to let you all see this. I mean, seriously? Hasn't she ever heard of 'what happens at the hotel stays at the hotel'?
Really? Do you mind? Man taking a bath here. A little privacy would have been nice.
Sapphire had big plans to go out and do a bunch of shopping on the first evening, before the conference started. I'm not much of a shopper, so I decided to stay around the hotel, check out the pool or maybe try to figure out if there were any pay-per-view movies with descriptive video. Sapphire said she would try not to be out too long, and that she'd bring back something to eat. I suggested sushi since I've never had it before and since Sapphire always says how good it is.
Sapphire was gone a couple of hours but, sure enough, she returned with three different kinds of sushi. I don't know how to use chopsticks, so I ate it with my fingers. Sapphire also brought some cookies. We helped ourselves to those and indulged in an adult beverage too.
From this experience, I learned two things. The first is that I don't like sushi. The second is that I shouldn't do things that I'm reasonably certain will end badly.
After we ate, Sapphire found a movie that had descriptive video and we settled in to watch it. About halfway through the movie, though, I stopped paying attention because I'd started feeling really awful. My stomach was hurting and I was scared that I might be sick.
You might've figured out by now that I'm ill a lot. The doctors say my immune system has never been what it should be, ever since I was born.
I guess I've never mentioned to you guys before that Michael and I were premature babies. Even though I was the first one born - I'm older than Michael by about fifteen minutes - I was smaller and had way more health issues. The doctors actually told our parents that it'd be a miracle if I survived past the first twenty-four hours of my life. Well, I've obviously made it a lot farther than that, but there are some lasting effects of being born too soon. I had a lot of problems with digestion as a kid, and I still eat according to a fairly strict diet. I don't eat fried foods very often and I try to avoid things that are too spicy. I sometimes drink alcohol, but more often than not, that upsets my stomach too, so I haven't made a habit of it. I guess I just had a moment on this trip when I imagined I was invincible.
Booze? Sure thing. Sushi? Why not? It'll be fine.
Yeah...not so much.
Sapphire must've noticed that something wasn't right, because she asked me if I was okay. When I told her what was the matter, she said not to worry. It was most likely a combination of being tired, eating unfamiliar food and drinking a little too much. I'd figured that out on my own already. What bothered me most was not the fact that I wasn't feeling well; it was the idea of being sick while I was away from home. Sapphire helped me into bed and told me that she was sure I'd be all right after a good night's rest.
Sapphire decided not to watch the rest of the movie. She turned off the TV so it wouldn't disturb me. I could hear her over at the desk, doing something on her computer.
The bed was amazingly comfortable, but I didn't know if I'd be able to fall asleep. If I was at home, I thought, I'd feel better. Sini would cuddle me and put her cool palms on my aching belly and sing me one of her strangely beautiful Erisan folk songs. All of a sudden, I really missed Sini and Skyla, and I wanted desperately to go home. Of course, I always miss my girls when I'm away from them, but I've never been homesick like that before. It was a horrible feeling. Lying there in that big, soft bed and thinking of my own cozy bed at home, I actually started to cry a little.
I must've whimpered or something because Sapphire left what she was doing on her laptop and came over to check on me. At first, I didn't want to say what was wrong because I was embarrassed to tell her the real reason I was crying.
"My stomach hurts really bad," I said, and I sounded pitiful even to myself.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I shouldn't have let you eat that stuff."
"I wanted it."
"I know, but the least I could've done was remind you of what might happen."
"It's not your fault," I said. "Sometimes I'm just dumb."
"Oh, Tyler..." Her voice had that sympathetic but somehow gently scolding tone. It was the sort of tone that made me think she really did feel sorry for the pain I was in, but that she was also chiding me for something. I couldn't decide whether it might be for referring to myself as dumb or for actually doing the dumb thing that led to my being in pain in the first place.
Whatever it happened to be for, the implied scolding was enough to push me past the threshold of emotional restraint. Without much warning at all, I found myself sobbing like a child. I felt Sapphire slip her arms around me, and I instinctively hid my face against her shoulder.
"I want to go home!" I blurted, suddenly not caring that I sounded like a little kid and that this should have been embarrassing in the extreme.
"We can't go home now, sweetie. I'm here for work, remember?"
"I should've stayed home."
"Why?"
For a minute or so, I didn't answer her. I just concentrated on getting my breathing under control and stopping myself from shedding any more humiliating tears. Finally I managed, "I...I miss my family."
"It's okay. I think it's normal to miss them when you're away."
"Not like this," I said.
"Do you want to call them?"
"I talked to them just after we got here."
"You spoke to Michael, didn't you?" she said. "I think maybe you need to talk with Sini and Pax, and say hi to Skyla."
I thought about it for a minute and realized I really did need to hear Sini's voice. I don't have my own cell phone, mostly because I can't really afford it yet, but Sapphire doesn't mind occasionally letting me use her phone. She had to dial for me, because her phone has a touch screen. I couldn't use voice dialling because our house phone isn't programmed into her contact list. I think she needs to fix that.
Much to my relief, it was actually Sini who answered my call. It's not that I didn't want to talk to anyone else, but it was just easier not having to ask to speak with her.
Almost immediately after we said hello, she demanded to know, "What is wrong?'
I didn't bother trying to deny there was a problem. It's virtually impossible to dissemble with Sini; she's like a living, breathing lie detector.
"I miss you," I said.
She made a sympathetic little mewing noise, and said. "You are not having fun?"
"Not at the moment," I told her. "So, what are you doing right now?"
"I am not having fun, either. Rommie is teaching me how to sew, and it is not going well. You called at a very good time."
"You're learning to sew?"
"Rommie says it is a 'womanly skill'. She says I should know these things."
"Leave it to June Cleaver," I said. "Personally, I think you already know all the womanly skills you need to know."
"Do you mean...?" she began, but then she started giggling.
Her mischief was infectious and, despite my physical discomfort, I almost felt like laughing too. I said, "You know what I mean. Has anyone ever told you that you have a naughty mind?"
"You," she said. "All the time."
"It's true."
"I think you must like it, because you do not complain."
"I do like it, but let's not go down that road of conversation right now, okay? I'm not exactly alone in the room, you know," I said. "Is Pax in bed yet? I'd like to talk to him for a minute, if he isn't."
"He is still awake," Sini said. "Wait, and I will get him."
Sini must've laid the cordless phone on the table instead of taking it with her when she went to find Pax. I listened to the background noises of the house for a few minutes while I waited. Eventually, they came back and then I heard Sini coaxing Pax to talk into the phone.
After several seconds of silence, Pax's hesitant voice said, "Tyler?"
"Hi Pax," I said. "Are you being good?"
"Tyler!" he exclaimed. He sounded utterly perplexed. "In telephone?"
I could hear Sini giggling in the background, and I couldn't help grinning. "No, I'm not in the telephone. I'm far away, but the telephone lets me talk to you, no matter where we are."
"Like computer? Like Xander talk to Remi?"
"Yeah, something like that, except when we're on the telephone we can't see each other."
To my surprise, Pax laughed out loud at that. "I there, Tyler not see me."
"You know what I mean."
"Tyler funny," he informed me.
"I miss you," I said.
"When come back?"
"On Sunday. That's five sleeps away."
"Can has a surprise?"
"Can I have..." I started to correct him.
He interrupted me with, "I know! Can I have a surprise, please?"
I laughed. "I'll tell you what, buddy. You practice asking for things the way we taught you, and I'll bring you a surprise, okay?"
"Okay," he said. "Can I talk to the telephone again, please?"
"You want to talk to me on the phone again before I come home?"
"Yes. Telephone is fun," he said, and added proudly, "This first time I talk to the telephone."
"On the telephone. You talk to someone on the telephone. I'll call you again in a couple of days, okay?"
"Okay. Want talk to Sini on the telephone, now?"
"Yes, please," I said.
When Sini came back on the line, I could hear her amusement in her voice. "How do you say it? Pax is a handful."
"He's doing really good with English," I said.
"Really well," Sini said, and we both laughed.
We talked for several more minutes, but then Sini said she thought I sounded tired and that I should try to get some sleep. She made me promise to be careful while I was out and about, and that I wouldn't do anything else that I knew might cause me trouble.
'I love you' isn't a common phrase among Erisans because they are literally capable of feeling the love someone has for them. Since learning that Sini can sense this emotion in particular from me as well, I don't often use words to express my affection for her, either. Just then, however, I wanted her to hear it. She couldn't sense me from that far away, and I needed her to know the real reason I'd called.
"I love you, Sini."
"To the moon and back?"
I smiled, remembering how much she adores the children's story about a baby rabbit and his father trying to define how much they love each other. We have a special Braille version of the book at home that has the pictures and printed words too, so I can read it to my family and they can follow along. Sini and Skyla both ask for the story all the time. Pax is starting to like the book as well, although I think he's more fascinated by the Braille than by the tale of the father rabbit and his son.
"Yes, I love you to the moon and back," I said.
"That is very, very far," said Sini.
I hoped she knew I was smiling even though she couldn't see me. Even if my physical condition hadn't improved, just hearing her sweet voice made my mind feel better. I said, "I'm glad I called."
"I am also glad you called," she said. She paused a beat and added, "I love you."
Falling asleep seemed easier after that.
The rest of the week went a lot better. As Sapphire predicted, I felt fine the next morning and I was ready to check out the city. I even took in some of the conference events.
In the evenings, after the conference sessions, we went out sightseeing. Last time I told someone I'd been out sightseeing, my comment was met with dead silence for about ten seconds, during which time I'm sure the person was debating whether 'sightseeing' is an activity blind people can really engage in. Yes, we can. There's a lot more to sightseeing than the 'seeing' part. Big cities are a feast for the ears! I loved visiting the waterfront, and riding on the crosstown bus. We have a waterfront and busses here at home too, but they're nothing like the ones in that busy, noisy place.
We also visited the Public Gardens where I got to smell half a dozen kinds of flowers I'd never encountered before, and where I was allowed to touch everything I could reach. At the Public Gardens, Sapphire showed me this weird tree stump. She says it's called the Tree Chair.
She took a photo of me with it, just to prove I was there.
On another evening, we went out and did some souvenir shopping, and we visited Historic Properties.
I am now an honourary pirate. Arrr!
Oh, and we also went to Build-A-Bear Workshop. This is our new furry friend. Her name is Courage. I was positive that Pax was going to like this surprise!
On the weekend, after the conference, we went to stay with Sapphire's parents for a couple of days. I went to the same beach we visited last year. I love it there. Sapphire says we can go back there again later this summer, and I want Sini and Skyla to come too.
Of course, we're back home now. The most important thing I learned during this trip is that even though I love travelling, I love my family more and - as Dorothy in Wizard of Oz so succinctly put it - there's no place like home.
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