"Let
us hope that we are all preceded in this world by a love story."
Don
J. Snyder -- Of Time And Memory
*****
Today is
Valentine's Day, and you're expecting a love story, right?
Well, I've got one for you, although it's going to be different than
the typical Valentine's Day tale. Let's just say my story
isn't exactly a variation on the Romeo and Juliet theme. Okay, we do
have the young lovers, but in my story there are no feuding families
and there's no tragedy at the end. The other main difference is
that in Romeo and Juliet, the title characters didn't have a
baby. Anyway, even if they did, I doubt Romeo would have been
present for the birth, much less have been the first person to hold
his newborn child in his very own hands.
This is
the next chapter in The Story of Tyler and Sini, and it's all
about how we were blessed with the best Valentine's Day gift we could
ever receive.
For me,
this part of the story began yesterday morning as I was getting ready
for school. I suppose that's when it began for Sini as well, although
at the time I hadn't realized that. I noticed Sini didn't seem like
her usual self as we were preparing for our day, but when I asked her
if something was wrong she told me she was fine and that I shouldn't
worry.
She bade
me farewell with a rather distracted kiss on the side of my face and
a warning to be careful on the icy sidewalks. Just so you know,
Sini's usual modus operandi for
goodbyes does not include pecks on the cheek. Her typical behaviour
when she sees me off to work or school has been known to prompt
obnoxious whistling from Xander, cries of “Eww...gross!” from
Cassie and, on one notable occasion, it caused Beau to comment,
“Y'know, that's downright embarrassin'. If I didn't know you were
on your way out the door, I might suggest y'all get yourselves a
room.”
The
kiss alone was enough to set off a thousand alarm bells inside my
head but, worried or not, what could I do? Sini had assured me she
was okay and my insisting otherwise wouldn't have accomplished
anything. I made her promise to call me if she needed me, and she
said she would. It's great that I have my own phone now, even though
it means one more bill I have to pay.
By
lunchtime Sini hadn't phoned, which should have reassured me;
however, the absence of a call from her only made me feel more
anxious. When I phoned home between classes, Rommie answered and told
me that Sini was resting and didn't want to be disturbed. I resisted
the urge to ask Rommie whether she or Georgia had noticed anything
out of the ordinary with Sini. I simply thanked her and then hung up.
In the afternoon, I had trouble focusing on what my professors were
saying and I could hardly wait until the end of my last class so I
could leave campus.
In
light of everything I've just said, I imagine you're all going to
shake your heads when I tell you what happened after I left the
university. I'd been so preoccupied that I'd somehow managed to
forget that the next day – today – would be Valentine's Day. I
was halfway home when it occurred to me, so I decided to make a quick
detour into a florist's shop for six pink tulips.
Someone
out there is now inevitably going to ask, 'What? You didn't
get red roses for your wife for Valentine's Day?'
I guess this merits a little explaining, too. The simple answer is
that Sini doesn't like roses as much as she likes tulips.
The
first time I ever bought flowers for Sini, I actually did get half a
dozen red roses for her. I was ridiculously proud of myself, and I
made a big, romantic production of the whole thing. She loved the
presentation – that much had been obvious – but her reaction to
my gift wasn't anything close to what I'd expected. Instead of
telling me they were beautiful and that she was going to put them in
a vase of water right away, her response was, “Oh Tyler...they
smell delicious!”
Then,
she promptly began to eat them.
Aliens.
If
there's one lesson I've learned during the course of my relationship
with Sini, it's that it is never safe to assume anything. The next
time I got a bouquet for her I went with the less expensive option
and learned, to my simultaneous pleasure and stupefaction, that
tulips have a much more “exotic” flavour. So, I don't buy roses
for my wife because the whole point of buying flowers for a woman is
to please her, and she's far more satisfied with the flavour of
tulips than roses. Plus, with tulips, there aren't all those thorns
to deal with.
With
carefully-wrapped tulip bouquet in hand, I tried to hurry the rest of
the way home. When I got there it was Pax, not Sini, who met me at
the door. Pax seemed unusually agitated, but when I asked him what
was the matter, he didn't seem able to explain it.
“Where's
Sini?” I asked.
He
paused for a moment as if he might be thinking about the answer.
Finally he said. “She upstairs. I think she sick.”
“Sick?”
“Well...not
sick. I don't know.
It don't make sense.”
“Doesn't
make sense.”
He
huffed in frustration and exclaimed. “I never going to get this
right!”
“You're
doing fine,” I said. “What doesn't make sense?”
“I
don't know,” he said again. “It like...I know Sini is in pain,
but I feel her being kind of happy, too. Who feel happy when they
are in pain? That doesn't make sense.”
“Oh,”
I said.
“What?”
Pax demanded.
“It
makes sense to me.” I held out the flowers to him. “Here, can you
put these in some water, please? I'll be right back.”
Pax
took the tulips, and I immediately got busy shedding my backpack and
boots. I didn't even bother to take off my coat before I bolted for
the stairs.
“Where
you going?” Pax all but yelled. “Wait for me!”
I
stopped just long enough to lean over the stair rail and say, “Stay
down there, please. I'll be back in a minute, I promise. And don't
eat those flowers. They're for Sini.”
When
I reached our room and opened the door, I could hear Sini pacing back
and forth. I stood in the doorway for a second to catch my breath,
and then I stepped inside and closed the door behind me again.
“Sini?”
I said.
The
pacing stopped and she came over to me. She said, “You feel upset.
What is wrong?”
“Shouldn't
I be asking you that?”
I blurted.
“Tyler,”
she said, her tone gently admonishing. “You do not need to raise
your voice.”
“I'm
sorry, but you--”
“Please,
try to be calm. You are shaking.”
Yes,
I am shaking, I realized with
some alarm. I hadn't noticed just how badly I was trembling until
Sini pointed it out. I closed my eyes for a second and tried to will
my racing heart to slow down. It took me a while, but I managed to
say, “I'm okay.”
“Are
you?” Sini said. She took my hand and led me to our bed, where she
sat down and pulled me down beside her. “Tell me why you are so
upset.”
The
world kind of tilted sideways for me at that point and I found that I
had absolutely no idea how to react. I opened my mouth to say
something, but all that came out of me was an undignified and
unmasculine squeak. I cleared my throat and got out, “Are we...I
mean, are you...uh...” One final attempt resulted in, “Pax says
you're in pain.”
“Yes.
A little.”
“So...it's
time, then?”
“Yes,”
she said, as cool and collected as you please. “Our child will come
soon.”
“Soon,
as in...?”
“Tonight,
or perhaps in the morning.”
“Okay,”
I said, and added silently, I am not going to panic.
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “What do you need me to
do?”
“Right
now, I do not need you to do anything.”
“This
all started this morning, didn't it?” I said.
“Yes.”
“And
you didn't think you should tell me? You just let me go to school
like it was an ordinary day.”
“It
was an ordinary day,” Sini said. “I helped Rommie with the
laundry this morning and I ate fruit salad for lunch. You went to
school. That is very ordinary.”
“That's
not what I mean. I would've stayed home with you if I'd known.”
"I
know," she said. “But, school is important and you have missed
too many days already. Besides, the pain was not very bad this
morning, and there was nothing you could have done about it anyway.
This happens as it happens, without any influence from anyone.”
“I
know, but I could have been with you.”
“You
are with me now. That is what is important. You--” She stopped
speaking abruptly and squeezed my hand. For several moments, all I
could hear was the sound of her breathing slowly and deliberately.
“Are
you okay?” I asked which, viewed in retrospect, was a pretty stupid
question.
“I...am
fine,” she said eventually. “I revise my opinion. Perhaps our
child will come before morning after all.”
“Does
it hurt a lot?” I
could've kicked myself for that one. Way to go, Brightman. You're
a genius.
Fortunately,
my wife is a good natured person, and doesn't hold my moments of
thick-headedness against me. She said, “It is bearable. You should
not worry so much.”
“I
can't help it,” I said.
“We
have done this before. Everything will be fine,” she said, and then
she actually laughed. “It will be better this time. I promise not
to say such terrible things to you as I did last time.”
“You
said terrible things to me when Skyla was born? I don't remember
that.”
“When
the pains became very bad, I...may have said some things about never
letting you touch me again and about what I would do to you if you
tried.”
“Oh,”
I said. “This was all in Erisan, wasn't it? I had no idea. I
thought you'd just temporarily forgotten how to speak English. I
wasn't even sure you knew
what you were saying at that point.”
“There
was also that,” she said.
“Maybe
you'd better not make any promises right now.”
“Perhaps
not,” she said. She was quiet for a moment and then, “I think I
would like to rest now, while I can. You can stay if you like.”
“Do
you want me to stay?”
“It
is up to you. Perhaps you should eat now, though. I can feel that you
are hungry, and Skyla and Pax will want something to eat soon as
well.”
“I
think it's my turn to cook tonight, too. Me and Remi, I think.”
“You
should take care of that,” she said. “I will be fine.”
“If
you're sure.”
“Yes,”
she said. “You can come back to me in an hour or two.”
I
was reluctant to leave her, but I had to concede that she was right.
There was nothing I could do for her and, if she was going to be
resting, it wasn't really necessary for me to be in the room. I knew
she'd really need me later, and then there'd be plenty for me to do.
Downstairs,
I discovered that Xander had arrived home from his classes at the
community college and Radek and Cassie were home from school as well.
Dylan and Beau were both working a late shift and wouldn't be done
until nine o'clock, so they weren't going to be joining us for
dinner. As it turned out, my cooking partner wasn't Remi, since he
was also working till nine. Georgia apprehended me on the way to the
kitchen and informed me that we would be preparing the meal together,
adding, ”I'm gonna learn you how to fix a real nice apple pie, Mr.
Brightman.”
I
had no doubt the pie would be awesome if Georgia Lee Dixon had
anything to do with it. She's a veritable wonder in the kitchen. I
may be Canadian, but nobody's going to hear me saying no to what Beau
calls “a good ol' American apple pie.”
Georgia
was ahead of the game, since she'd decided that we were going to have
roast chicken and already had it in the oven. I peeled and sliced a
bunch of potatoes and carrots and put them on to cook while Georgia
cut up some other vegetables and made a salad. Then, we set to work
on baking. Before too long, the kitchen was filled with the warm,
rich scent of cinnamon and the inviting aroma of our roasting
chicken. It was a comforting smell, one that made me think of all
the times I've felt safe and loved in my life. It made me think of
family and home.
Sapphire
arrived from work just as Georgia was taking our pies out of the
oven. I wanted to run upstairs to check on Sini before we all sat
down to eat, but I decided I should tell Sapphire what was going on
first. She seemed pretty happy for us and asked if there was anything
she could do to help. I said I didn't think there was anything at the
moment, but that I'd let her know if we needed anything later.
Miraculously,
Sini was sleeping when I looked in on her so I didn't disturb her,
opting instead to return and eat supper with my family and friends.
Sini's conspicuous absence didn't go unnoticed, and we hadn't been
sitting for more than five minutes before Cassie asked about her. In
hindsight, I probably should've been more circumspect. My
announcement to everyone at the table that our baby was coming set
off a cacophony of reactions, not the least of which was Pax chirping
excitedly and demanding, “It going to be a brother or a sister?”
I
smiled. “My guess would be a sister, but we won't know for sure
until the baby is born.”
“When?”
“Sini
thinks it'll be before morning,” I said.
“Really?”
This came from Rommie, who sounded astonished.
“That's
what she says.”
“She
didn't mention anything about it to me.”
“She
wouldn't. It's a very private thing with Erisans. She didn't even
tell me until I got
home from school.”
“You
mean it's been happening all day?” Rommie said. “She helped me
around the house a bit this morning and she seemed fine. She was
quiet, but I didn't notice anything really out of the ordinary.”
Her voice took on a tone of utter incredulity. “Tyler, she went out
for a walk around the block this afternoon. There's absolutely no
way--”
“She's
not an Earth person,” I reminded. “It's not exactly the same for
her as it was for you.”
“Yeah,”
Pax chimed in. “For Erisans, it not all...dramatic.”
“How
would you know that?” The words came from Xander, although the
exact same question had sprung into my mind.
“I
know,” Pax said, with an air of authority. “Piri sister have
three babies. One older than me, but I there when the other two came.
Nobody scream or cry at all except the babies.”
“That's...weird,”
Xander said. “Kind of disgusting, even.”
“It
life,” Pax said, his tone matter-of-fact. “That not weird. What
you going to do when you and Remi get a third partner and have
babies?”
“Uh...”
was all Xander seemed able to say.
Across
the table, Rommie, Cassie and Sapphire were all giggling, and Georgia
said, “Oh my...”
“I
going to be with you and Sini, right Tyler?” Pax said.
“Yes,”
I said. “Sini told you that's what she wanted, didn't she? I don't
think she's changed her mind.
“I
going to be really helpful.”
“I'm
sure you will,” I said. It wasn't lost on me that I'd just learned
Pax had actually seen more babies being born than I had. “Sini and
I are both going to be counting on you to be as helpful as you can.”
After
supper, Pax helped Sapphire with the washing up and decided that he
was going to play video games for a while once they were done. I told
him that I'd come and find him later, and then went to see how Sini
was doing.
This
time when I stepped into our room, I didn't find her resting,
although she was still lying on the bed. I sat beside her, and
reached out to take her hand, only to discover her fingers were
already locked around a fistful of blanket. I stroked the back of her
hand with my fingertips. She made a small mewing sound.
“Everything
okay, sweetheart?”
“I
need you to stay with me now,” she said.
“I'm
right here,” I said. “I'm not going anywhere.”
For
the next few hours, not much happened. I worked on my homework for a
bit, but writing an essay on the history and development of the
criminal trial process wasn't something I was particularly
enthusiastic about and I finally set my laptop aside. Sini and I
talked a little, but mostly we just sat quietly together listening to
classical music on the radio. Sini didn't want me to touch her aside
from holding her hand, and I was perfectly content to do that. She
let out an occasional whimper but, as Pax had so succinctly put it,
there was no drama.
Sometime
around ten o'clock, Sini told me that she didn't feel safe or
comfortable on the bed any more. If I've never mentioned it before,
Erisans don't have beds like we do. Instead, from what I can figure
out based on Sini's description, they prefer huge pillows on the
floor. They don't even have beds in their hospitals and long-term
care homes, except for the purpose of examinations or surgery, and
even those sound more like tables than the hospital beds Earth people
are used to.
Once
I'd thought about it, I concluded there's a kind of elegant logic to
making your 'bed' on the floor. It would certainly be more
economical in terms of space and, if you're already as close to the
ground as you can get, there's no chance of falling out of bed and
injuring yourself. While most adults probably don't need to worry
too much about falling out of bed, being close to the floor seems an
undeniably safer option for children, people with certain physical
disabilities, the elderly and - of course – expectant mothers.
Much
to my amusement, but not to my surprise, Sini had made herself a nest
of pillows on the floor of our room earlier in the day and that was
where she wanted to be when she left the bed.
With
a bit of effort from both of us, Sini settled into her nest. For a minute all she did was lie amid her pillows and make the most
pitiful noise I'd ever heard. It sounded like equal parts mental
relief and physical discomfort, and it was impossible to tell which
sentiment might be the greater one. I held back the impulse to ask
her if she was all right because it was fairly evident that she
wasn't, and I figured I'd already hit my quota of dumbass questions
for the day in any case.
When
she was able to speak again, she said shakily. "Go and find Pax
now, please."
"I
can't leave you.”
"Yes,
you can. Find Pax, and make certain that someone is watching Skyla.
I will be okay until you come back."
"I'll hurry," I said.
"Yes," she said. "Please."
I ran
into Rommie on my way down the hall and told her what was going on.
She said she'd go in and stay with Sini until I came back. I didn't
think Sini would view that as a great idea, but I really didn't feel
like I had time to stand there and argue with my sister-in-law about
it, so I just thanked her and continued downstairs. Georgia had
volunteered to keep an eye on Skyla earlier in the evening but, now
that Beau was home from work, I expected she'd rather spend some
quality time with him and not have to deal with the responsibility of
looking after my child. I asked Sapphire if she'd mind keeping
Skyla with her for the night, and she agreed that she would.
I found
Pax in Radek's room where Radek, Xander and some friend of theirs who
they introduced to me as Daniel were teaching him how to play poker.
Pax seemed pretty pleased with himself for learning how to play “a
cool Earth game.” I'm not sure if Pax learning how to gamble is
all that cool even if the currency is only candy, and I don't think it's wise for the others to stay up
late on a school night, but it seemed prudent not to say anything
about any of that. It's not my place to make rules for Radek anyway,
and Xander is his own man these days. Pax didn't seem overly
impressed at being interrupted mid-game; however, when I told him why
I'd been looking for him, his attitude transformed considerably.
When Pax
and I got back to our room, Rommie was talking quietly to Sini, who
didn't seem particularly thrilled to be on the receiving end of
Rommie's platitudes. Sini was making a sound which Rommie seemed to
interpret as pain but which I knew to be a sign that she was
extremely irritable and frustrated and fighting to keep from losing
her temper.
No
sooner had I stepped through the door when I heard, "Tyler!"
"Everything
all right in here?" I said.
"No,"
Sini said, and I could tell she was on the verge of tears.
"I
think she's a little scared," Rommie said.
"She
not scared," Pax said. "Why you think she scared?"
"Well,
she--" Rommie began.
"I
am annoyed," Sini said. "You are annoying me."
I
crossed the room and knelt down beside Sini. "Never mind.
Everything's going to be fine."
“Everything
was fine until this annoying woman came and began talking
nonsense to me."
"I'm
sure Rommie is just trying to help," I said. "Right?"
"I
do not want her help," Sini said. "Her idea of help
is not helpful."
Pax took
in the situation with what I can only describe as maturity beyond his
years and announced calmly. “We need stuff. Maybe Rommie help me
with that.”
“I
really don't think--” Rommie began.
“I
serious,” Pax said. “This not a very good time to argue.”
I
couldn't have agreed more but, apparently, Rommie wasn't willing to
concede that Pax knew what he was talking about. She said, “Pax,
sweetie, why don't you leave this to us? I've been here a few times
myself, and I think a woman knows best what another woman needs.”
“No,”
Pax said, sounding serious and very
adult. “You don't know anything about what people from our
world need.”
The
possession of an empathic sense was totally unnecessary in order to
feel Rommie's indignation. The air between her and Pax fairly
crackled with it. I heard her inhale loudly, preparing to say
something in retort.
Whatever
she was about to say got overidden by Sini, who clutched at my
forearm so fiercely that it hurt and practically shouted at me, "Tell
her to leave!"
I was
startled. I've seen Sini in a lot more pain than she seemed to be in
just then, and I've seen her absolutely furious, but I've never known
her to respond to pain or anger by shrieking at anyone like that.
"Rommie,
you better go,” Pax said.
"But--"
Rommie began.
"Get
out!" Sini screamed so loudly and shrilly that I was sure the
entire house must be able to hear her. “I do not want you here!
Get out!”
"Sini!"
I reached toward her and caught her firmly by the shoulder. "Listen
to me! It's okay. You need to relax a little. Can you do that for
me?"
I think
she tried but, halfway through drawing in a deep breath, she began to
cry. "I...I just want her to go away. Please, Tyler...just
tell her to go away."
"She's
going," I said. I could already hear Rommie heading toward the
door. I climbed halfway into Sini's nest of pillows so I could hold her, and she sagged in my arms. She cried quietly for a few minutes while I stroked her hair and tried my best to comfort her. "It's all right, Sini. It's okay. It's just us now."
She sniffled a little and said, "I
do not want anyone but you and Pax."
"We're
here.”
"Promise
you will not let her come back."
"She
won't come back."
"It is not right for her to be here," Sini said. "You know how I feel about that."
"Yes, I know," I said.
"It is not right for her to be here," Sini said. "You know how I feel about that."
"Yes, I know," I said.
Pax gave
a derisive little snort and declared. “She think she know
everything. If she try to come
back, I make sure she know I feel angry. Really know, in
her mind.”
Sini
must've sensed something to which I was oblivious, and it must've
been enough to distract her temporarily from her own emotional state, because she
somehow conjured up her scolding voice. “Pax! You must never do
that with Earth people. Do you understand? You could hurt their minds if you force them to feel things. They are not
like us.”
“She
made you cry,” Pax said defiantly.
“I
am crying because my back and belly hurt,” Sini said.
While
I was sure that was true, her answer was unconvincing. Rommie
had made her cry.
Both Pax and I knew it. I wasn't about to argue the point, however, and it
seemed Pax wasn't going to, either.
Pax said, “She still outside the door. Rommie, I
mean. I feel her.”
I sighed. “I'd better go talk to her for a minute.”
“I
stay here with Sini.”
“Yeah,
you stay right here. I won't be long.”
I eased Sini out of my arms, and Pax was there instantly to fill the space I'd left. He began to make soft clicking noises, similar to the ones Sini sometimes makes when she's consoling Skyla after a tumble or soothing Pax after he's had a bad dream. I've come to think of them as 'comfort clicks' although I never expected to hear Pax use them on anyone. I was really proud of him just then, and I hoped he could feel it.
As I got to my feet and headed for the door, Pax began to chant something to Sini in their language. His voice was gentle and the rhythm of the chant was familiar. I realized with a smile that it was another one of Sini's soothing devices. This was the one Pax likes to hear when he wakes in the night.
I stepped into the hall and called out, "Rommie? Are you still here?"
"Yes," she said, and seemed a little apologetic. "Is Sini going to be all right?"
I eased Sini out of my arms, and Pax was there instantly to fill the space I'd left. He began to make soft clicking noises, similar to the ones Sini sometimes makes when she's consoling Skyla after a tumble or soothing Pax after he's had a bad dream. I've come to think of them as 'comfort clicks' although I never expected to hear Pax use them on anyone. I was really proud of him just then, and I hoped he could feel it.
As I got to my feet and headed for the door, Pax began to chant something to Sini in their language. His voice was gentle and the rhythm of the chant was familiar. I realized with a smile that it was another one of Sini's soothing devices. This was the one Pax likes to hear when he wakes in the night.
I stepped into the hall and called out, "Rommie? Are you still here?"
"Yes," she said, and seemed a little apologetic. "Is Sini going to be all right?"
"Yeah,"
I said. "She'll be fine now. She doesn't want anyone else
in there, that's all."
"Why?"
"Only
immediate family members attend Erisan births," I said. "It's
sort of a spiritual thing, if I understand it right."
"Oh."
"Sini
didn't mean any of that stuff," I said, as I walked with Rommie
back to her room. "You know she loves you, right?"
"I
know," Rommie said. “I didn't take it personally, Being
called annoying isn't that bad anyway. You should've heard some of
the things I said to Michael.”
“I'm
pretty sure I wouldn't want to,” I said.
We
stopped at the doorway of her room, and she touched my forearm.
“Look, about Pax--”
“He's
fine,” I said. “I think he's handling this amazingly well so
far.”
“Are
you sure he wouldn't be better off somewhere else right now?”
“No.
I think it's important for him and Sini to be together. She wants
him there and he wants to be there,” I said. “If we get to the
point where he has to leave the room, I'll send him downstairs to
Dylan and Beau's room.”
“Okay,”
she said. She gave me a hug. "Go and take care of your family.
If you need anything, just come and get me."
"Thanks,
Rommie. I appreciate it."
"It's
no problem," she said. She kissed me lightly on the cheek and
then let me go. I hurried back to our room.
Our baby
arrived in the early hours of the morning and, just as I promised
Sini on the day of our niece Lucy's birth, the first hands to touch
our child were mine. There's no way I can describe how I was feeling
at that moment. If you took every positive experience you've
ever had, every sense of accomplishment, pride, happiness, amazement,
excitement and love, and coalesced them into one emotion, that's what
I felt. I'm not the least bit embarrassed to admit I was so
overwhelmed that I wept. Sini and I both did. We held our new little
one and each other, and we cried with relief and joy that we had a
wonderful, perfect baby girl.
As soon
as Sini and I agreed that she and the baby would be all right for a
minute without me, I left them with Pax and ran to get Rommie. I
needn't have worried about waking her at two in the morning. As it
turned out, she was already awake and reading in bed, judging by the
rustle of paper and the soft flop of something landing on the rug
just before she came to meet me at the door.
Rommie
seemed almost as excited as I was about the new arrival and said she
could hardly wait to see her. Sini was a lot more welcoming toward
Rommie's presence in our room this time around and willingly - almost
meekly - allowed Rommie to look after her. Rommie is a businesslike
and efficient caregiver, but she's also very gentle. I think
she'd make an excellent nurse or resident care worker and now that
she's looking for a way to support herself I might suggest that she
should consider going to school to train for a job like that.
It
seemed that in no time at all, Rommie had Sini and our baby both
washed and comfortably dressed, and tucked into our clean, warm bed.
As much as I wanted to snuggle under the blankets with Sini, I knew
she wouldn't want that. She needed to rest, and I decided it'd be
best if she slept without me, just for a little while. She could
stretch out or curl up as she pleased, whichever was most comfortable
for her, without having to worry about how much space she'd have to
share with me.
Rommie
finished her tasks and then left the room with a quiet "Goodnight,"
even though it was morning. She took Pax with her, despite his
protests that he should be allowed to stay. I could hear her
out in the hall, telling him that it was very important for Sini and
me to be alone with the new baby so that we could get to know her.
I heard Pax say plaintively, "But, she my baby sister and I love
her! I want to get to know her too."
"You
can see her in the morning," I heard Rommie say to him.
"Come on. I'll make you some hot chocolate and then you
can have a sleepover in my room, okay?"
I didn't
catch his reply, and the next thing I heard was the sound of the two
of them descending the stairs. I crawled into Pax's bed.
I don't remember actually drifting off. It seemed as if I
descended into sleep the very second I closed my eyes.
When I
awakened again, it was to Sini singing. My first thought was to
wonder what time it was and how long I'd been asleep. My next
thought was that it didn't really matter. I wasn't going
anywhere. I lay there for a few minutes, enjoying the
comforting warmth of the blankets over me and the feeling of security
and contentment at hearing Sini's sweet voice. The song was a
familiar one. It was the lullaby she
often sings to me.
I'm
getting used to Erisan and I'm learning to pick out individual words,
even though I don't know what they mean. As I listened to my wife
singing this morning, though, I realized that I did recognize one
thing. Several times in the song a phrase is repeated, "Anoa,
kiva anoa..." Back in the summer, when Sini and I were
talking about names, she'd told me that kiva means
'beautiful'. I congratulated myself for remembering that, but
knowing only made me curious to understand the rest.
"Sini?"
I spoke softly, not wanting to startle her.
She
stopped singing. "Did I wake you?"
"No,"
I said. "I woke up on my own. Are you okay?"
"I
am fine," she said. Judging by the tone of her voice, I could
easily imagine her smiling. "I am tired, but I cannot sleep any
more right now."
"Did
you get any sleep at all?"
"Yes,
and I will rest a little more after the baby eats and goes to sleep
again."
"She's
quiet," I said.
"She
is eating, but she is almost finished, I think," Sini said.
"Come and see her."
I didn't
need much more encouragement than that. I made my way across
the short distance between Pax's bed and ours. Carefully, I
settled in beside Sini. Now that I was closer, I could indeed
tell that our daughter was eating. She made greedy little
noises as she nursed, the same as Skyla used to make, and I wondered
if her eyes were half-closed in the same expression of bliss her
sister used to wear while eating. Once, when Sini was
describing Skyla's expression as she nursed, she observed that Skyla
had “the face of someone who has discovered true peace.”
Perhaps, for a baby, a state of true peace actually is when she's
being held and fed by her mother.
"She
sounds hungry," I said.
"She
has had a very eventful night."
"I
think that goes for all three of us."
"Are
you hungry?" Sini asked.
"Are
you?"
"I
will eat after the baby eats. You can bring me something,"
“How
about tulips?” I said.
Sini
laughed. “Tulips for breakfast? You are being silly.”
“No,
I'm serious. I bought you some flowers on the way home from school
yesterday. You know, for Valentine's Day, but I totally forgot about
it until just now.”
“Understandable,”
she said, and I could hear amusement in her voice as she added.
“Tulips for breakfast...in bed. A woman could become accustomed to
that sort of thing.”
“You'd
better not get too accustomed to it,” I teased. “Unless you're
willing to cultivate your own tulips in the back yard.”
“No,”
she said. “I enjoy them more because they are a rare treat. I
really would not want them every day. It is better to only have
them on special days, like today.”
I smiled
at that. “Today is a
pretty special day, isn't it?”
“More
so than you imagined it would be, I think,” she said. “You were
only thinking about Valentine's Day when you bought the tulips?”
“Yeah,
the reason I bought them was because of Valentine's Day, but I was
definitely thinking about more than that. To tell you the truth, I
kind of suspected what was going on when I left for school and I was
so worried about you that I almost forgot about Valentine's Day.”
“It
would not have mattered if you did forget,” Sini said. “We
received a gift that shows our love more than anything either of us
could choose for each other.”
“You're
right,” I said. I reached out tentatively and touched the edge of
the soft blanket our baby was wrapped in. "Tell me what
she looks like?"
I hadn't
thought to ask earlier. When Rommie came in to help us, we'd
been mostly concerned with making sure Sini and the baby were okay.
Aside from knowing that we had a healthy baby girl, I hadn't really
considered any other details.
"She
is blue," Sini said, sounding pleased. "Do you think I
would seem selfish if I admit that I hoped she would be like me?"
"Of
course not," I said. "So, I guess we're not naming her
Scarlett?"
"No,
and not Banana. She does not look like a Banana."
"A
blue Banana would be almost as ironic as a blue Scarlett," I
said. "There's still Denim, though. That's blue,
right?"
"Yes,
but she is not going to be called Denim."
"Well,
that was supposed to have been for a boy, anyway, so I'm not going to
insist," I teased. "I mean, who ever heard of a girl named
Denim?"
"I
have never heard of a boy named Denim," Sini said.
I felt her shift a little beside me, and then she said, "You can
hold her. You can see her for yourself."
Sini passed her to me carefully, and I cradled her in my right arm, her tiny head resting in the crook of my elbow. Just for a few seconds, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth and the solid weight of her, and breathed her sweet baby scent. I brushed the fingertips of my left hand across the crown of her head and felt the soft beginnings of hair. That surprised me a little, as Skyla had been utterly bald when she was born. A few more centimetres brought the tip of my index finger in contact with a pointed ear. For some reason, that made me unaccountably happy, and I grinned in Sini's direction.
"She
has your ears," I said.
"And
your eyes, I think,” she told me. “They are a very pale blue.”
"What
about her hair?"
"It
looks white," Sini said. "We will know for certain
when it grows a little more."
“White
hair,” I mused. “I wonder where she got that?”
“Perhaps
from you. No one on my world has golden hair like yours. Perhaps
our genes are not capable of making it and white is the closest
thing.”
“She
looks ethereal,” I said.
Sini
said, “In your mind's eye, my love?”
“In
the heart of the beholder.” I touched my daughter's tiny palm, and
her little hand curled reflexively around my finger. I smiled.
“That's where beauty is.”
“We
have that saying on my world too. The soul sees beauty better
than the eye.”
“There
must be a lot of poets on your world.”
“Yes,
and bards.”
I
laughed. “Bards? Eris has bards?”
“People
who travel around the world and make songs about their experiences.
Is 'bard' not the right word?”
“Yes,
that's right. Bards are travelling poets and musicians.”
“One
of the most famous travelling musicians in our history made the song
I was singing this morning.”
“You
sing that one a lot. I think that must be your favourite lullaby.”
“It is
my favourite, but it is not a lullaby,” she said. “It is a love
song."
"You
sing it as a lullaby to Skyla."
"And
to you," she said.
"I
like it best when you sing it to me."
"That
is logical," she said. "It is a song for partners more than
it is for a child. I sing it to Skyla because it is pretty, but
I sing it to you because it is the truth."
"Can
you tell me what it says?"
"I
will try," Sini said. She paused, doubtless needing time to
concentrate on her translation, and then she recited:
When
the rainy season comes
and
the forest is dark with storms,
I
will not be afraid
because
I am with you.
You
are the other half of my soul;
Without
you I am incomplete.
You
bring calm to my fears
and
light to my darkness;
You
are my breath,
and
the beat of my heart.
My
soul is woven into yours,
and
yours into mine,
and
both into the spirit of the world
like
two streams that flow
into
the same great river.
Who
can separate those waters again
once
they flow in together?
When she
was done neither of us spoke for a while. I thought about the
Erisan bard who'd written the song and for whom he might have composed
such tender yet passionate words. His true love was not just the
other half of his soul. Her half was so intertwined with his half
that it would be impossible to divide them.
Together, they were more than they could ever be alone.
"Calm
to my fears and light to my darkness,” I said. “It's a beautiful
song. You know, every day, you bring light to my darkness."
"And
you bring calm to my fears,” Sini said softly.
"It's
our song, isn't it?"
"It
is our love story."
"Anoa,
kiva anoa." I tried my best with the unfamiliar syllables.
"The part that gets repeated. What does that part mean?"
"It
is the theme. The...refrain?" Sini said. "My
love, my beautiful love."
"Remember
that story you told me?" I said. "The one about when
you were a little girl and you pretended that you had a family of
your own?"
"I
remember," she said.
"You
called your baby Kiva."
"Yes."
"Does
our little one look like a Kiva to you?"
Sini
hesitated before she answered, and when she finally did reply she
still seemed uncertain. "You...would give our child an Erisan
name?"
"Of
course I would," I said. "Anyway, it was your idea in the
first place."
"Yes."
"She's
half Erisan. She may never see your world, but she should have
something to remind her where she comes from."
"Kiva,"
Sini said, as if she were trying it out. "Kiva Brightman.
Will she have a second familiar name, like you and Skyla?"
"I
guess we didn't think of that, did we?" I said. I
stroked Kiva's feathery hair and, almost without thinking about it,
sang the refrain of Sini's love song, a melody I'd heard a hundred
times but had never before produced on my own. "Anoa,
kiva anoa..."
"You
sing that very well," she said. "I will teach you the rest,
if you like."
"Yes,"
I said. "I'd like that."
Sini
touched my hand, letting her fingers glide delicately over mine.
She lingered for a moment at the base of my ring finger and caressed
the spot just behind my wedding ring. "Kiva anoa,"
she whispered. Then, sounding delighted and a little bit
surprised, she said, "Tyler, that is her name. Kiva Anoa.
She is part of our love story."
I smiled
at that, "Yes, she is. She and Skyla both are."
"There
is another saying on my world. Each child is a flower in the
garden of our love. I think ours are a special kind of
flower. A very rare and precious kind."
"Orchids,"
I said.
"Or
ro flowers," she said. "They are highly prized
on my world because they are beautiful but very difficult to grow.
They are grown to be loved and admired and for no other purpose.
There is a myth about the ro flower that says the plants are
empathic and will only grow and flourish under the hands of
gardeners who have love and peace in their souls.”
"They
sound a lot more special than orchids.”
"We
have two ro flowers in our garden now," she said. “Two
delicate, perfect flowers.”
I have
to admit that I liked the idea of my daughters being compared to a
flower so rare and sensitive that it can only flourish under the hand
of a gardener who loves it. When I thought about that, I realized
how much like Sini's special ro
flowers our children actually are. Our daughters and Pax – and
every other child – are much more likely to blossom in the care of
nurturing parents.
That
thought was enough to make me send a silent prayer to whatever gods
may be out there to help me to never lose sight of that. I want Pax
and Skyla and Kiva to have the best of everything in life; all the
intangible things that aren't affected by where we live, how much
money we have or how many people know our names. I want them to be
happy, confident, trusting, generous and tolerant. I want to be all
those things too, because I know the best way for my children to
learn is to watch me.
Help
me take care of my rare flowers, I prayed.
Let me always have love and peace in my heart.