Good News, Bad News

So, there's good news and bad news.   Which do you want to know first?

Let me start with the bad news, okay?  I don't want you to finish reading this post and go away feeling as depressed as I do.   And why, you're no doubt asking, am I so unhappy?  Is this not the same guy who was bouncing off the walls with excitement less than a week ago?   Yeah, that's me, and the reason for my mood is pretty straightforward, really.  In the words of the immortal Hank Williams, I'm so lonesome I could cry. 

Honestly, I had no idea it was possible to go from being so unbelievably happy to being utterly and totally wrecked in such a short time.  You'll probably say I'm overreacting when I tell you why, but cut me some slack, okay?  This is all new territory for me, and I'm pretty sure I don't like the landscape.

Sini is travelling and I'm the one left at home.

More specifically, she's gone to some fabulous spa, south of the border, for a makeover.  It was a spur of the moment decision, evidently, because she informed me on Wednesday that she planned to leave on Friday morning.  She said the reason she's going is that she wants to be beautiful for our wedding.  Now, I'm not against that sort of thing - in fact, I've received quite a few compliments since I got back from my own trip down south - and It's not that I don't think Sini deserves to relax and be pampered.  It's just that I already think she's beautiful.   She doesn't need to do anything special for me to think that.

Maybe I'm a little envious of the fact that she's off having an adventure while I'm still here, but that's only a small part of it.   I feel lost without her.  When I think about how much I miss her, I get this kind of dull pain in my chest and I feel like nothing's going to be right in my world until she's back.   I hate to imagine this is what she goes through every time I fly off to some new place. Seriously, this whole situation is enough to make me reconsider my wandering ways.

Only half my problem is how lonely I am without my partner.  I'm also really worried about her.   Sini doesn't get out and about very much, but when she does, she attracts quite a bit of attention and not all of it is positive.  The idea of her travelling so far away on her own makes me insanely anxious.  My mind keeps coming up with all kinds of worst-case scenarios, every one of them horrible and scary.
 
Sapphire keeps telling me not to worry.  She says Sini will be fine.  The lady she's going to see is a great person and will take excellent care of her while she's there.   What Sapphire fails to understand is that I'm not worried about what might happen to Sini while she's at her destination.  It's what might happen to her on the way there and back that terrifies me.  I mean, it's a big, crazy unfamiliar world with a whole bunch of potential dangers for someone who isn't used to going places alone.   I think my concern is justified.   I want my fiancée home safe. 

Michael finds my anxiety amusing, of course, and didn't miss the opportunity to tease me about it.   His comment was, "She travelled like a million kilometers to get here in the first place, and you're worried about her going a few thousand?"

That, dear brother, is not the point.  I'd be worried about her making a journey of only ten kilometers, if she was doing it all by herself.   Anyway, Michael doesn't have room to talk.  I'd like to see how he'd manage if Rommie decided to take a trip without him.  He wouldn't be laughing if it was his wife - his pregnant wife, I might add - who up and decided to make an international voyage on short notice.   I'm pretty certain he'd be freaking out worse than I am.

And with that, I think I've just made a segue into the good news.  

It's definitely official.  Rommie and Michael are expecting their third child.   They told everyone about it yesterday at breakfast.  I'd more or less figured it out for myself quite a while ago, so the big announcement wasn't news to me, but I did my best to act like it was.

I don't think it came as much of a shock to Xander, either.  In his matter-of-fact way, he said, "I was wondering when you'd get around to saying something."

"What do you mean?" Rommie said, as if she had no clue as to what he was talking about.

"Well, it's not as if you can keep this sort of thing a secret," he said.  "After a certain point it was obvious, and like, the baggy sweaters were a dead giveaway.  You're not exactly streamlined any more, if you know what I mean."  

Not even a sibling can get away with saying something like that. 

The new arrival is expected to come sometime in the fall.  Rommie said she's hoping for a girl, and that she wants to name her Sarah.  I kind of raised my eyebrows at that.  I don't think I did much to increase my level on the popularity-o-meter when I said, "Sarah Brightman?  Like the classical soprano?  She was the one who sang as Christine Daaë in the original London cast of Phantom of the Opera." 

Make room in the dog house, Xander.  It looks like I'll be spending some time there, too.

 As a result of me pointing out that Sarah Brightman is the name of someone famous, everybody wanted to contribute to a list of 'better' names for the baby.   Even Cassie and Pax got in on it.   Cassie suggested Natsuko which, I suspect, is the name of a character in some kind of anime.  That one didn't go over very well with the parents-to-be.

Some of Pax's ideas were really funny and, needless to say, they didn't make it onto the short list, either.   The best one of his silly suggestions was Banana.   Pax's rationale for that one was that bananas are sweet and brightly coloured, and they make him happy.  He obviously put some thought into it, but he hasn't quite grasped the nuances of human naming yet.   I think 'Banana Brightman' might attract more than a few strange looks around the neighbourhood.

Undaunted by everyone's laughter,  Pax offered one more name.  "Maybe Rommie and Michael call her Suvi," he said.

"Suvi," Rommie echoed.  "That's nice.  Is it a word from your language, Pax?"

"Yes," Pax said. "Suvi is light from the sun."

"Sunshine?" I said.

"Sunshine," he repeated.  "Suvi is sunshine."  

"I like that," Rommie said.  "What do you think, Michael?"

"It's better than Banana, I guess," Michael said, and I got the distinct impression that he thought it was only marginally better. 

Pax was sitting beside me and he reached for my hand.  His fingers were trembling, so I gave his hand a reassuring little squeeze.  I asked him, "What's wrong, buddy?"

It took him a while to answer.  At last, he said quietly, "My mother name Suvi." 

Pax has never told me about his mother before.  He talks about Piri, his father, sometimes and he's mentioned his 'other father' Jex on a few occasions, but yesterday morning at the breakfast table was the first time I'd ever heard him speak about his mother.   He must miss her, and I'm sure it's hard for him to deal with the fact that he'll most likely never see her again.  I can't even begin to guess what it'd be like for a child to be permanently separated from his parents, particularly not for someone like Pax, who is an only child with three parents.   It must have been devastating for him in the beginning, when he realized his situation.

 "I think Suvi is a beautiful name," I said.

"Suvi beautiful," Pax said. "She beautiful inside.  Piri say Suvi make everyone happy because everyone feel her being happy.   I feel..."  He paused for a second and drew in a shaky breath before trying again.  "I felt her love me and Piri and Jex.  She love everyone."

This was the longest speech I'd ever heard Pax make in English.  It wasn't lost on me that the subject of it was his mother, nor did I miss the significance of the fact that he'd managed to use the past tense of a verb for the first time.

Across the table from us, Rommie had begun to cry.   I could hear her sniffling.  She said, "That's really sweet, Pax.  We'll consider that name."

Judging by the sound of exasperation Michael made at that point, though, I doubt he'll be doing much considering.   Michael doesn't seem overly thrilled by the prospect of becoming a dad for the third time.  I understand it's going to be hard for him and Rommie to afford to look after a third child on just his salary, but I don't think money is the only thing on his mind.   I think this baby was unplanned, and I'm not sure if Michael even wants another kid.

Michael is a responsible dad and I know he loves Jack and Cleo, but he isn't the world's most involved parent.  That is something I don't understand.   Personally, I love spending time with my daughter and taking care of her.   Sini and I share as equally as we can in the responsibility of caring for Skyla, and neither of us would want it any other way.   Michael, on the other hand, seems perfectly happy to leave most of the child care duties to Rommie.  When he has to watch Cleo and Jack, he calls it baby sitting.

I feel uncomfortable when I hear him say that, because it makes him seem really detached from his kids.  Baby sitters come and go, but parents should always be connected.   When I held Skyla in my arms for the first time, I felt this amazing, instantaneous bond with her that I'd never experienced with anyone else in my life.  At that moment, I knew I'd do everything I could to help her grow up happy and safe.   I never want to be a mere observer in Skyla's life.  I want to be there for her, to love and protect her and share in all her experiences.  

I wonder if Michael feels that way about Jack and Cleo, or if he'll feel that way about the new baby.   He doesn't talk about his feelings, so I'll probably never find out the answers to those questions, but still, I'm curious.   To me, it's ironic that a guy who doesn't show much interest in his kids is going to have three of them while I, a guy who'd happily raise a whole house full of children, only have one.

I know I've said before that the idea of having more children scares me, and that's true, but it's not the child-rearing part that overwhelms me.   I'm frightened by the actual having a baby part of it.  Sini was so ill and miserable when she was carrying Skyla that some days I wondered if she'd survive it.   She's talked about us trying to have another baby but, even if that's possible, I don't think I'd want to see her suffer through a second pregnancy.   I can be perfectly happy with the one beautiful child we already have.   

And speaking of my child, I hear Skyla calling for me, so I'm going to end this post here.   I'll catch you guys later!