Beautiful Friendships

I never thought I'd be writing a post about Xander, or at least I never expected to write a post about him that isn't a rant.  Check your watches.  The Earth may have just stood still for a few seconds.

Okay, here comes the subject of this post.  Are you ready?

Xander has a boyfriend.

Before you ask, it isn't Radek.   Xander and Radek like to refer to each other as boyfriends but I think they do it in sort of the same way women refer to their female buddies as girlfriends.  No, this boyfriend is a real boyfriend, an actual love interest as opposed to a bromance.   And where, you're probably curious to know, did Xander meet this wonderful man?   It was not at his school, not on his soccer team and not at his after-school job at the photography studio.

Are you tired of guessing, yet?  Xander met his boyfriend on the internet.   I guess nobody's going to be too surprised by that.   There was some kind of study recently that found one in five romantic relationships nowadays begin online.   Maybe I should tell Xander he's a statistic.

The guy with whom Xander is carrying on this long-distance online relationship is called Remington Arthur Garrett Gray.  We thought poor Beau's real name was a mouthful, but Beau has nothing on this guy.  He does have a manageable nickname, though.  To his friends and family, he's known as Remi.   He's 19 years old and apparently doesn't go to college or university.   According to Xander, he likes playing soccer, swimming, drawing and playing video games.  Xander says he works in retail, and maybe that's true, but when you consider that the guy's AIM screen name is PassTheDutch1992, you have to ask yourself exactly what he might be selling. 

Honestly, I'm trying hard not to be negative about Xander and Remi's relationship.  I really do think it's good that Xander has found someone he likes and who he shares some interests with.   I want him to be happy, even if he is my nemesis.   It's just that I wonder if he fully understands what he's doing, meeting guys on the internet.    I'm concerned over the thought that Remi might not, in actuality, be the person he represents himself to be.   Xander may be 18 years old and a legal adult, but that doesn't negate any of the risks.

I was kind of shocked when I first realized I was experiencing these sentiments about Xander, of all people.  How could I be worried abour Xander, that insufferable pain in the ass kid with whom I've had a thousand petty squabbles?   Then, it occurred to me.  The answer was in the question.   The law might say Xander is an adult, but he's still really a kid, and the parent in me cringes at the thought of any kid putting himself in the way of danger.

Yeah, I know some of you are probably out there saying to yourselves: But, he's only 23, not a whole lot older than Xander, and barely past being a kid himself.   I concede the point that I'm young, but I'm also a father, and believe me, having a child makes you stop being a child pretty quickly.

Before Skyla came along, I did a lot of stupid, reckless and arguably dangerous things too, but now I try to think twice before acting on an impulse.   "It seemed like a good idea at the time," would hardly be sufficient explanation for Sini if I did something dumb that led to me not being around any more to help take care of Skyla and Pax.   Likewise, I'm careful of the things I'll let Pax and Skyla do, because I don't want them to get hurt.   It upsets me when Skyla gets a little scrape or a bruise.  I'd be devastated if anything serious happened to her or Pax, especially if it happened because I was irresponsible.    I guess, to some degree, I feel this sense of responsibility toward all the other kids in the house, too.

Thankfully, I'm not directly responsible for Xander.    That's Rommie's job.   I don't think she likes the idea of her little brother meeting men on the internet.   When he first signed in to this online dating web site, Rommie sat him down and gave him a lecture about internet safety.   She made him promise not to give anyone our address and to show her all the pictures of himself that he plans to share.

Here's one of them, in case you're interested.  Rommie says it's respectable, so I don't mind posting it here.

Xander chats online with Remi a lot.  Sometimes they use Skype, but they mostly seem to do a lot of instant messaging.

Much to Xander's annoyance, both Remi and AIM have become sources of fascination for Pax.   This afternoon, Cassie somehow coerced me into playing tea party with her, Cleo and Skyla, so I was in the living room when Xander came in with his laptop.  Pax came in right behind him, and I heard him say, "Why Xander has computer?"

"I'm going to chat with Remi," Xander said. "We agreed to get online at two o'clock my time.  That's one o'clock for him."

"Why?" Pax said.

"Why, what?"  The sofa's springs creaked as Xander flopped onto it.  A few seconds later, I heard his computer coming to life.  "Why are there different time zones, or why am I chatting with my boyfriend?"

"Why boyfriend?"

"Because he lives far away.  We can't just hang out like normal people," Xander said.  "Dude, why am I telling you this, anyway?  You're not even old enough to shave, much less have a serious boyfriend...or girlfriend, or whatever the hell you do on your planet."

"Boyfriend and girlfriend," Pax said, with some authority.

"Dude," was Xander's eloquent response. "How does that work?"

I'm not sure Pax understood the question.  In any case, he had another question of his own.  "Why Xander not talk to Remi?" 

"Because we're typing.  See?  He just came online and he said, 'hey loverboy'.  Now, I'm going to say something back to him."

I heard Xander typing quickly, and then there was the click of the mouse button.   I have to say, the computer mouse has always been one of life's great mysteries to me.   My computer is equipped with a special kind of screen reading software, and I use the keyboard to navigate.   I've never scrolled or double-clicked in my life, although I consider myself quite proficient with technology nevertheless.

But, I'm getting off track, aren't I?  I was telling you about Xander's boyfriend, although yet again this seems to be turning into a Pax story.    Well, it's still about Xander and it's sort of about Remi too, so bear with me, okay?

I was doing my best to pay attention to the girls and their tea party but, to be honest, I was far more interested in what was happening on the other side of the room.

Pax said, "Remi a real person?"

"Yeah, of course he's a real person," Xander said, and I could tell he was starting to get frustrated.

"Remi real, why I not see him?" Pax wanted to know.

"Because he lives in Jamaica.  Anyway, I've seen him and talked to him.  I know what he looks like.  Trust me, he's real."

"I has friend Xander not see.  Her name Ki," Pax said.  He pronounced the name key, like the thing you insert in a lock.  "I talk to Ki."

"I guess you don't get to talk  now," Xander said.  "She's still on your planet, right?"

In response to that, Pax said the most surprising thing.  "No.  Ki here."  

'Yeah, right.  Whatever."

That was the point at which I felt it was necessary for me to intervene.  It was obvious Xander was losing patience, and I didn't want him to snap at Pax.  It's pretty upsetting for Pax when people scold him, and it seems to me that he's still not entirely trusting of Xander. 

"Pax, come over here, please," I said.  "Let Xander chat with his friend.  You can play with us."

"Okay," Pax said, and obediently crossed the room.  He sat down on the floor beside me, but it was pretty apparent that he wasn't interested in playing tea party.  "Tyler, this girl game." 

"I know," I said.  "What can I say?  Cassie talked me into it."

"Play different game."

"This is what we're playing now," Cassie said.

"Since this s a girl game, maybe your friend Ki would like to play," I suggested to Pax,  curious to know what his reaction would be.   I had a hunch about his friend, but I wanted him to tell me more about her before I jumped to any conclusions. 

He sounded genuinely surprised.  "Tyler see Ki?"
 
I laughed.  Pax often forgets that I can't see.  "No, buddy.  Maybe you can tell me what she looks like."

"Ki green.  Ki hair white.  She like climbing and--" something in Erisan-- "and she like socks." 

"She sounds very nice," I said. "Are you the only one who can see her?"

"Piri say he see her."

"You don't think your father could really see her?"

"I say talk to Ki.  Piri talk, but he not look at Ki." 

"And Ki is here right now?" I said.  "She came with you from your ship?"

"Ki always with Pax," he said.

Yes, I thought, Ki is Pax's imaginary friend!  Figuring out this bit of information actually explained quite a lot.  For instance, I often hear him chattering away to himself in Erisan while he's playing with his toys, and sometimes I hear him whispering at night when he's in bed.  I finally understood, and it became perfectly obvious that he's talking to Ki.   Knowing about Pax's imaginary friend, his occasional insistence that a certain chair at the table be left empty suddenly made sense too.  Ki must've been sitting there, and it wouldn't do for one of us to sit on her.  

Ki's existence also explains why Pax doesn't seem to believe that Remi is a real person.   Xander is the only one who talks to Remi, and no one else has seen him.  I'm sure in Pax's mind, it's utterly logical to assume that Remi is just as invisible and mysterious as Ki. 

The secret world of imaginary friends is really unknown to me.  I didn't have one as a child but, then again, I'm a twin.   Michael and I have been practically inseparable our whole lives.  We never needed imaginary friends because we always had each other.   I must remember to ask Sini and Rommie if either of them had an imaginary friend.   Sini probably did.    When I try to picture Sini as a child, I always think of her as a whimsical little girl with a vivid imagination. 

I said to Pax, "Can I meet Ki?"

"Yes," Pax said, and then he said something in his own language.  He explained, "Ki not talk English."

"I understand," I said.  "Tell her that I'm very pleased to meet her."

He said something else in Erisan and then asked, "Ki touch Tyler?"

"Of course she can," I said, and held out my hands.  "Only my hands and arms, please, Ki.  It isn't nice to touch humans everywhere."

"She know."  

I let myself be 'touched' by Pax's imaginary friend for several seconds before lowering my arms again.  Deciding to play along for a bit, I said, "I think she touched my hair."

"She say Tyler hair special," Pax said.  "Erisan not has..."

He must have been making a gesture, because Cassie piped up with "Curly!"

"Curly," Pax repeated.

"My hair is curly, too," Cassie said.  "Ki can touch my hair if she wants."  

Bless Cassie and her ten-year-old imagination.  With it, she'd created a win-win situation.   All at once, Skyla and Cleo also wanted to 'meet' Ki, and we started a new game which saved me from any further embarrassment at having been a tea party participant and which seemed to go a long way in making Pax feel comfortable and accepted.

I don't think our game did much to improve my chances of convincing Pax that Xander's boyfriend is an actual human being, but I'm not particularly worried about it.   No one's happiness hinges on whether my little alien boy believes Remi is real or not.  

Later, Cassie took Pax out to play in the yard while I put Skyla down for her afternoon nap.  Pax said he was going to climb trees.  I warned him to be careful.  Cassie said she'd watch him, and promised that she wouldn't let him climb too high. 

It took a while for Skyla to settle down.   Sometimes she resists going to sleep, even though she's clearly tired.  I sang to her and rocked her in my arms for a long time before she finally drifted off.

With Skyla asleep at last, I left the room as quietly as I could.   My mind must've been wandering or something, because I wasn't paying attention and nearly collided with somebody in the hall outside my room.    I was startled when the person put out a hand to steady me.

"Careful," said Xander's voice, far too close for my comfort.

I almost told him not to touch me, but thought better of it, and instead said, "Thanks."

"What are you doing?"

"I just put Skyla in bed.  What are you doing?"

I might've sounded defensive, but I'm always a little wary of Xander.  Usually, when he's this near to me, I end up wearing a sign with a rude slogan or feeling an ice cube slithering down my back inside my shirt.

"Uh...nothing," Xander said, and there was something unusual in the tone of his voice. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

I told myself to relax.  If he was going to do anything to me, he'd have done it by now.   "Sure," I said. "What do you want to talk about?"

"About earlier.," he said.  "I just wanted to say thanks, you know, for getting Pax to leave me alone when I was on the computer."

"I did it for him as much as for you," I said.

"Yeah, well..." I could hear him shuffling his feet.  "I also wanted to say I think it's pretty awesome, the way you take care of him.   You're a really good dad."

Was that a compliment comng from Xander?  I think I was momentarily shocked into silence.  After a few seconds, when I recovered my composure and found my voice, I managed, "Thank you, Xander."

"My dad died when I was twelve," he said, further surprising me with his candor.

"I'm sorry."

"I didn't really know him.  He was busy with his work, and he never spent much time with us," Xander said.  "Skyla and Pax are lucky.  I can't remember my dad ever playing games and stuff with us, pretending to see our imaginary friends and all that.   I had one, you know.  An imaginary friend."

"Really?"

"His name was Bob.  I was afraid to tell my dad about Bob, because he'd probably think it was stupid to have an invisible friend."

"It's not stupid," I said.  "It's part of growing up."

"Yeah," Xander said.  He was silent for a while, and then I heard, "'Tyler?"

"Yeah."

"I just want you to know, if I ever have a kid, I hope I can be a good dad like you." 

Something unspoken happened between me and Xander during that conversation; something that transcended the words we were saying to each other.   I began to understand Xander in a way I never did before, and I think he began to respect me in a way he'd never done before.  I don't know if Xander and I will ever be close, but maybe - just maybe  - today marked the fragile new beginning of a friendship. 

I guess the take away piece from today's events is that friends really do come in all shapes, sizes and colours, and they often appear when and where you least expect them.  No matter how you find them, though,  a good friend is always a blessing.